A
female
age
36-40,
*az464
writes:My friend has started going out with this guy that I know is bad news and she is making him really permanent in her life like doing things such as planning to go to a university nearer to him and talking of getting a tattoo with his name on it.How can I make her see that he a complete idiot that she is better off without? I know he will hurt her, it's happened before. I can't sit around and wait for him to cheat on her, or break things off with her cause he's seen someone prettier.
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female
reader, Saz464 +, writes (9 February 2007):
Saz464 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Just to clarify, for some reason my question is posted in Gay Relationships but I'm not emotionally involved with my friend.
And yes I do realise that they could be in love but I know him really well and I know she is just another notch on his bedpost. She's just too blind to notice.
If I don't say anything then she will only blame me when they break up for not have saying something earlier.
A
female
reader, willywombat +, writes (7 February 2007):
 You can't is the simple answer unfortunately. You can say things to her and she may take offence at what you say and then you will find yourself pushed out of her life. But you HAVE to try...
So, how?
Try reversing the situation maybe. Tell her about 'someone' you know who has this problem (exactly hers but without being OBVIOUSLY hers) and tell her that her friends are worried, how should they go about telling her, or veen SHOULD they tell her. Explore every avenue in your converstaion with her in order to try to understand where she is coming from. Maybe this way you will plant the seed of doubt in her head and she will 'see the light' herself.
Also, are you sure this guy is just out to hurt her, is it truly inevitable? What makes you think this will happen again?
Good luck.
xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2007): You may have no choice but to wait around and see this happen to her, dear. You can't interfere wth affairs of the heart. Even though you feel he's not good for her, she plainly is smitten with this guy. And she has to find out all on her own. Telling her is running the risk of losing her as a friend. Just keep being caring, good friend to her and when and if he dumps her, be there to support her and help through the hurt. I know you like her a lot but you may have tomake a decision togetout and date others. Don't stop living your own life and putting all your 'eggs in one basket, here'. Try to stay positive and have fun with other friends. That is the more healthier better way to live. So keepyour options openand I wish you the best. Good luck, dear.
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A
male
reader, agony_uncle_r +, writes (7 February 2007):
its never a good idea to get between a friend and partner. 9/10 it blows back on you.
firstly getting a tattoo of any lovers name is stupid, only do names as memorials by thats besides the point sorry.
everyone makes mistakes in love and sadly for you getting involved wont do you any favours. she obviously loves this guy and as a good friend all you can do is support her if or when it goes wrong.
one of my friends is getting married at 20 to a girl he knows nothing of, but instead of being like the rest of my friends and leaving him out in the cold. ive just decided when it goes wrong that i have to help him up. its all you can do as a friend
hope i helped
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2007): hmmm... tricky. what ever you say, your not with them all the time and can't see their intimate moments etc. so to her you don't know him, and you dont know what they have. But having been in her situation, infactuation is blind. You're going to have to support her through whatever she decides to do. But things like tattoos and uni things i think you nseriously need to step in. Dont condem the boy to her, she wont appreciate it, but remind her about past mistakes. She can have a perfectly good relationship with him without having his silly name scratched into her! Just stick with her through this, after all girls in relationships do love do get carried away, she might not completely intend on doing these things, but instead enjoy getting caught up in a little fantasy!
Anyway... good luck and continue being a good friend to her. she'll learn in time
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