A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi guys,i need advice on how to make friends?i get nervous easily and when i speak to people i just sort of mumble or get confused with what im trying to say. i dont really have a lot of confidence.not only that but i am currently unemployed so don't really have the money to go out much.the only thing i really have is that i go to gym but i dont know where to begin?im new and literally have no friends, how do i begin?thank you
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female
reader, sarah_mew +, writes (6 December 2012):
I've met many friends through uni, classes and groups. It's great because you have something in common with people in these situations, rather than just meeting someone when you go out partying or whatever.
In a class or group it usually takes a few weeks or months to actually start communicating with fellow students on a personal level, but it always ends up happening, especially if you're the one who's willing to make the first move and start chatting to them.
Just start with a smile and "hi" with someone you see regularly, say at the gym. Or start a general conversation with the person on the front desk, if you become friends with them they probably know many other people that you could eventually meet through them.
Once you've said "hi, how are you?" to someone you see regularly, start asking them about what they do besides going to the gym. Get some more hobbies yourself too, so you have something to share with them.
If you're sitting at home alone, lonely, text someone you know and ask them out for a coffee. I'm sure you have friends on facebook, even if you don't know them that well? Be the one to make the first move and they'll appreciate it!
There would definitely be some free classes or groups in your area that you could attend.
Another way to start chatting to someone is to pay them a compliment. Eg. "Wow, that's a really cool gym bag, where did you get it?" or "you look like you knew all the moves, have you been doing pump classes for long?" I met my best friend at a dance event, I had just performed and she came up to me and said "you were great, well done!" I thought that was so lovely of her, we started chatting and we've been best friends ever since.
A
male
reader, human_male  +, writes (5 December 2012):
 I joined a social group for people with anxiety. It's really great because you can relax and be yourself and not have to worry about what everyone thinks about you, because everyone is in the same boat. They're the most accepting, non judgemental people I've ever met. And by far the most common issue is social anxiety, so everyone has the same issue.If you find a group like that you can slowly, and gradually gain experience talking to people and getting comfortable in social situations. That's really the only way you can overcome it, by doing. You can get some therapy and it might help you take the first step, but practise is what you need.It might take months but you will slowly gain more confidence, and learn how to talk to people.I found the group on a meetup website in my area. You might also try contacting your doctor or therapy centres and asking if they can put you in contact with something like that.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 December 2012):
 Well going to the gym is good on its own as it gets you out of the house and motivated. I guess the best place to start is to maybe join some classes or groups. Think off hobbies that you like or something that you would like to try and do, something that could give you some confidence and make you feel good about yourself. Maybe a dance class? Or an art class? Anything at all that you feel you could be good at. It is a great way to pass time and also to meet new people and develop new friendships. It is easy to get in to a rut and a state of depression when you are unemployed with no money but there are things out there that don't cost much money either to join and enjoy.
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