A
male
age
41-50,
*E125
writes: Hi everyone, There’s this female coworker of mine that I’ve been talking to for a little while now, probably since June---brilliant lady, has degree in physics. She's about 10 yrs older than me. I have known her about 14 years but never interacted with her much more than a hi in the hallway. Once we started talking more, she now occasionally comes over to my area to talk. One time I went over to her work area to talk as well, about a month ago. She always waves to me in the hallway on her way in to her work area but I noticed the past couple weeks she hasn’t come over to visit. I’m wondering if that’s because I haven’t gone over to her to talk? I usually don’t do that just because I don’t want to be intrusive and an unwanted guest. She's told me she's having trouble with her union and that she's very unhappy with her coworkers and that she's viewed as a troublemaker because she calls out wrongdoing. Suffice to say she doesn't like many of her coworkers and I can totally understand why she feels that way. So I’m not sure what to do about this. As I said, I don't want to be a pest going over and bugging her while she's working, but I'm wondering if she hasn't come over to talk because I haven't gone over by her? This is not a romantic thing, because she is married. This is purely a friend issue. Curious what you think I should do and how I should approach interacting with her because I am very impressed by her, she's a wonderful person and I wouldn't want to do anything to ruin a potential friendship. Yes, she's extremely attractive on top of all that, but I'm not looking to do anything inappropriate, I just felt she would be a friend worth keeping. Any help is appreciated! Thanks!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2018): Yeah, you're not fooling anyone here with this 'friendship'. It is blatantly obvious you fancy her and if it became possible, I bet you that you would be quite happy to become more than 'friends'.Be honest with yourself for starters. If she was just a friend and you two had a friendship in the making, then you would not be concerned about how you might be intruding etc. People who only have friendly feelings aren't so worried about how they are coming across and not wanting to be annoying etc. Wanting advice about how to approach her? Did you want advice about how to approach any other friends you have at work? You want to try to befriend her, without her suspecting, or anybody else, suspecting (even you!) that you have ulterior motives. Well, if you're as obvious at work as you have been here, good luck with that! She's married. You're at work. Yes she may well be extremely attractive (hence your interest and your post here), but trying to make something more out of this, especially while you should be working, not flirting, is only asking for trouble.I don't think you'll get any advice about how to approach her and if she was just a friend, you wouldn't need any. Stay away from her and concentrate on what you're being paid to do. As 'YouWish' said, you can't create a ''friendship'' with this woman AND stay professional.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (4 September 2018):
 Yeah, she's married. If she's feeling attracted to you, she might be doing the right thing by maintaining her distance from you. I'd stay passive for now. Let her take the lead on any friendship you two have. Stopping by to see her is fine, as long as it's no more than once per week and brief.
But keeping things professional is another matter. That would mean that you two DO NOT visit each other unless you have business. So it's up to you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2018): None of what you say makes any sense. You gave yourself away when you mentioned she was attractive. If everything is professional, could it be that she's busy and doesn't have much time for chit-chat?
Could it also be that people in the office are talking; because she's too friendly with you, while being a married-woman? Maybe the little visits were too frequent and distracting you from what you're there to do. Work!
Keep your distance. People don't like her, and they may be spreading rumors that could ruin her marriage. She shouldn't be so friendly anyway; if it was as innocent as you claim. People aren't stupid, they know flirting when they see it.
You wouldn't be so concerned; if you were behaving appropriately. Mind your business, and do your job. Things will be just fine. She's making enemies, and she's on everyone's radar. I suggest you keep your nose clean.
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