A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys. So I've been with the boy for over a year now and our relationship has mainly been over the phone due to him living elsewhere and us having to do a long distance relationship. We did meet up when we could and spent time enjoying each other company. He has told me things from his past and we got to know each other more. He's recently moved back up my direction and lives only 30 minutes away. Now, I feel that I should be over the moon. But we met at the weekend and while I was so happy to see him, I just did not feel ecstatic. People say that relationships don't always feel like the first time you met them or whatever, but is there something wrong? Should I feel happier that he's closer? I keep saying I love him which I think I do, but then I ask myself, how do you know when youre falling out of love? He makes me smile and it upsets me when I think of not having him in my life. But I don't know, I haven't felt that spark in a while... Any advice will be greatly appreciated:)
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male
reader, little buddy  +, writes (20 September 2018):
You left out ages but. I am pretty sure I know how you feel as in "been there,done that and couldn't afford the shirt" I had an incredibly HOT weekend once. We made love, if I told you how many times you wouldn't believe me. We even told each other we were in love and had never loved anyone like this before and never would again. Weekend ended and knowing we'd see each other again in just 9 months.
The memories of that weekend were flames 100 feet tall. Then down to 50, 25, pretty soon there were only a couple glowing embers. I started seeing other girls, for PEPSI's or coffee. Study dates in the library, then brief affairs (read one niters) Then dating one girl, for a couple times, going steady.
The letters, initially crippling the post man with their size and frequency and waned to a Christmas card and then a birthday card and nothing else.
When second semester ended and I went back to our lake house I had a flash of luvst. I wanted to continue where we had ended. Yet that love thing was just not there. The lust was but I couldn't really isolate any pangs of real love.
I was in a tizzy. I knew, or thought I knew, how I was supposed to feel and yet that rose just wouldn't bud. I was just on the verge of going back to schule when I came home from the beach and saw a car at her house. Paralyzed I didn't know what to do.
I had unthinkingly been drifting toward her house when out she came with a guy that appeared to be about 5 years older than her. (i was only 1 year older) I stopped dead and she lost her footing. She grabbed him to keep from falling. I was stunned. She being a lot faster on her feet called me and asked me over to meet her fiancee.
Not even a clue what to say. What totally destroyed me? She said, "this is that nice 'boy' I was telling you about that gave me a ride last summer. I hadn't expect to get to see you until later, I hope college went well."
"Oh yea, it was just smurfy. Hey, I hate to run, but I only came up for the day and need to get back. It was really a pleasant surprise to see you and nice to meet you, I hope you have a great summer."
I was shocked at how much it hurt my ego to think that she didn't care. Or, pretended not to. But then I started thinking about how my steady cared about me and how much we enjoyed together. Not just sex. We seemed to like most of the same things.
But unlike you, she helped me make the decision. But upon reflection, I had made the same decision months earlier. I didn't love her anymore and I was a lot more in 'lust' than love. Infatuation, mostly. I'm glad it ended.
I know long story, but I hope there was a comparison. I don't think you were really in love. Possibly lust like me of just infatuation. I would wager on the later. I was more than happy without her and with my 'steady'.
Good luck and I know you'll make the right decision
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2018): Maybe your relationship has run its course. You may never have actually been in-love; but extremely fond of each other. Real-love doesn't just fizzle in such a short-time; unless there was a very serious misunderstanding, or you discover he was cheating.
Some people get addicted to texting, video-chat, and social media communications; and the distance strains their emotional-connection. After a period of time; perhaps now you feel more like friends. It usually happens in most LDR's anyway.
You're both pretty young; so maybe it's time to end it, and decide to date other people.
You shouldn't lead someone on by telling him you love him; if you think your feelings are changing. It's deceptive and cruel. It's better he should know.
He's not a pet. You don't keep him around to entertain yourself, or out of sentiment.
If you don't love him; he has a right to decide if he wishes to maintain a connection or relationship of any other kind. You shouldn't fake your feelings just to hold-on to him. That's awful! He'll start to sense there's something wrong anyway. Faking-it can be pretty exhausting; and sex is not enjoyable when you feel no passion for him.
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