A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I'm in need of some advice a while back my wife found out i was having an affair with a co worker who was also married this is not the first time that i had been unfaithful each time with married women at the time my wife never knew about the o/w she now knows everything i have tried to be honest as to why and think it was because of the excitement and getting away with it over the years,I never ever dreamed of leaving my wife until i met the last one she also was married and we both hit it of she is 30 years younger than me you could say i was very flattered that i could pull a younger women we seemed to like the same things have the same intrests we would meet whenever we could she made me feel great.Then my wife found out and i realise what i have done to us i never thought she would react the way she did (i honestly thought she was with me for what she could get)i love her so much and i am truly sorry for what i have put her though.I am trying so hard to make it to her i have tried to asure her i will never cheat or lie to her again i realise what i could of lost and no way will i ever put that at risk.My problem is how can i get her to trust me again?I try to let her know the problem was me and not her.I have been a total idiot and blind and i am the luckiest bloke to have a wife who loves me and willing to work things out its just that she will be ok one minute and the next she has a go saying she hates what i have done and we argue real bad i have smashed up the house and hit her to make her stop going on(i am now going to anger management)this is the way i dealt with my guilt of what i had done and i am not proud of this,the last thing i want is to hurt the only person i love but why does she say we can work things out and keep bringing it up i just want to forget the past and start being the husband i should have been.How can i make her see that i am sorry and was wrong for doing what i did?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2009): What I would do to have a women that put up with the things you put her through. Cheating is the worst thing you can ever do in a marriage or relationship. Once the bond of trust is broken. It is never forgotten about. You can forgive but you can never forget. Flip it around and take a walk in her shoes and what she is going through. Only then will you realize what kind of pain she is in. You sir do not deserve the women you have or any women for that matter.
Like the above poster said you made the bed now lie in it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2009): OMG, I cant believe you even imagine your poor wife should stay with you.
I wish her all the best in the world, including a man that doesnt cheat, bash and sulk like you.
Many her new partner be a real man who values her
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2009): if you really loved and respected your wife in the first place you wouldn't have chased every other bit of skirt around you.
people like you deserve to be alone and rarely change.
you just feel guilty now because you got caught and you're afraid she'll throw you out. then you won't have a backup woman behind you to make you feel better about yourself when your latest fling dumps you.
sorry mate but no sympathy here either.
you made your bed so lie in it
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (23 April 2009):
I don't think you can.
You've cheated repeatedly and when she got upset about it you got VIOLENT!
To be honest I think you need to let her go. I don't think I could ever forgive you for cheating, let alone for hitting me.
She needs to get that anger out and now she's probably terrified you'll smash everything up and hit her again so she can't even deal with it.
Take some time apart and get your head sorted. Get counselling and figure out why you know it's not going to happen again, and why you go so angry that you lost control when you were confronted with it.
The only thing you can do to help your wife is to give her time and space and EARN the trust again. First she needs to trust that you will never be violent to her again no matter what she says to you. THEN you can work on the trust not to cheat on you.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2009): You will never win her trust again, you admit you are a liar and a cheat and now you want to know how to win her forgiveness. Until you have been cheated on by your spouse you cannot ever know the pain you will feel. You have shown your wife that you have no respect for her or her feelings. She has every right to be angry with you and every right to divorce you.
You have cheated on her twice and you want forgiveness, what so that you can cheat again?? Sorry no sympthy here!!
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