A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Recently i started dating an ex of 8+ years although i was in a long term relationship with another man of 7+ years. I allowed myself to get in this situation as i always had a weakness for my ex and he said all he things i wanted to hear(he was never really happy with anyone else because it wasn't me ect...)and yeah we have chemistry! Also at the time my current relationship had issues, we were arguing and it did not look like we were going to the next step. While i was dating my ex on the side he sprang on me he had a ticket to go to Brazil that was due to expire. I figured I would be a supportive "girlfriend" and not fuss, ask to many questions and even offered help him out by looking after his grandmother while he was away so she was not lonely. He was away for a week, when he came back i had mixed feelings about his trip. It turned out he had sex with an old girlfriend while he was there. Initially I thought I could handle this because at least he was honest when i asked him. However, I started to realize that he keeps hitting me with his bus and to him it should be ok because "i'm the one in his heart", So I broke it off but just as soon as i did i regretted it. I was a sad basket case. I called and texted apologizing, he did not return any correspondence. Meanwhile my current boyfriend a few weeks before got wind i was seeing my ex and was making more of an effort to get our relationship to work and win me back. On Valentines day my current purposed with a beautiful ring and an improved attitude and i accepted. I still love my ex and think about him all the time even though am now engaged to a man that loves me (to put up with this and all). Please provide advice how to get past my on and off again ex and embrace what should be sacred.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2009): thanks you guys are right. I need to work on myself. thx again
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (24 February 2009):
 You are missing what is sacred. You're taking care of one man then two, then one and you miss taking care of yourself. Is your engagement sacred, or is he just available. I'd have to question your reasons, because you were willing to cruise with the ex, and hurt your fiance because you desired something else.
If your getting married, do so for the right reasons. Do you see adultery as being okay? What if your ex comes back in the picture after you say "I do?" I believe you have a connection with your ex. Womanizers generally take hearts then crush them. Tell you what you want to hear, until they get what they want.
I strongly urge you, prior to taking the plunge, take advantage of pre-marital counseling that is available. You need some assistance in strengthening your sense of self. I continue working on myself, I'm not done yet, but as far as I have gone, I can confidently say I will never be balancing two people at the same time. It would not be fair to either of them.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2009): You have no business marrying your current boyfriend as you are not committed. You don't deserve him. And you will ruin his life if you marry him while you are such a selfish mess. How do you get over your ex? By letting go. But you have to want to; and you don't. You would rather indulge a fantasy and "play" your current boyfriend the way your ex "plays" you. I hope you learn how to love yourself. Stay single until you can be fair to another human being. Oh, and give the guy who wants a serious relationship, and a wife, his ring back.
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