A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend n I have been together for 8 months now... Last week I made the mistake of telling him I dont trust him specifically. He knows I have trust issues to begin with due to me being physically and emotionally abused all my life. I love this man with all my heart and I really want to spend the rest of my life with him but he refuses to believe that I can love him without trusting him completely. I'm trying really hard to trust him but its so hard for me!how can I learn to trust him? He's never given me a reason not to but I feel like the moment I do he will do something to break my heart. He really deserves to be trusted.someone HELP! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, lovinghim4ever +, writes (24 December 2009):
I've spent many years coping with my issues with the help of several different therapists,I've come to terms with most of my demons,I understand it was never my fault n all that. I just can't get over this trust thing!I really want to trust him!I do trust him to an extent just not completely.he is also very aware of my past we've talked about it on several occasions and he understands somewhat. I don't think he knows the extent of the damage it caused. But should I trust him? I know I CAN open my heart to it I just don't know if I'm ready in this specific situation
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2009): You need to get some professional assistance on this- as an abuse victim it is VITAL to each and every relationship that your going to have (with lovers, bosses, friends, co-workers... everyone) that you work through your trust issues and beat this nasty thing. In all likelihood he is your best ally right now, but you can't see that. You need to pick your words carefully, and hear them as he would. If a woman told me she didn't trust me, that's 100% different from me being told that she loves me, but as an abuse survivor has difficulty accepting that people will not hurt her, and as a result extending trust. Same message, different tone all together.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (23 December 2009):
The only thing I can suggest is counselling. You need to be in a place with someone who can help you understand all your feelings from the past. And maybe take your boyfriend along with you so he understands about it all a bit more. sometimes guys can be a bit blind and miss the point, as your boyfriend has here. You love him, but at this moment your trust is still being built up. He sees that as an attack on him. So maybe try counselling and see what happens.
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