A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Starting an LDR soon, and I don't know how to handle it! My significant other (SO) has had over a year to adjust and cope with it, while (for whatever reason) I put it out of my mind, and haven't completely accepted it. I'm really nervous, we've been together 2 years and will be apart for 2 or so years. We spend A LOT of time together, and I always find it hard when he leaves/stays away for more than a couple of days. This LDR is going to change all that, instead of a week (at most) apart, it'll be 3 or 4 weeks apart at a time. Anyone know of ways that I can adjust, and accept that my life is going to change dramatically? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2012): you both have to make the effort to communicate. skype when u can and definitely keep yourself busy. it wont hurt as much.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2012): let me warn you that a long distance one is really hard to maintain ..its going to be really hard and more than just missing the person. but the good news is that ,if taken with a positive attitude by both of you.it can be worked out wonderfully over some time.LDR has its own cycle ,at first you miss each other and communicate a lot..this might slow down at a later stage , frustrating one partner or the other.misunderstandings, jealousy, distrust can crop up at this stage .beware.if you fall prey to any of these its going to ruin everything.one more thing is that you'll be meeting up only once in 3-4 weeks,so avoid arguments/fights/dis-agreements.keep a regular way of keeping in touch.texting, phone calls or skype..as per the convenience of both.you are bound to get extremely upset if the time exceeds and you are not able to meet up..you have to learn to keep your cool and get used to it like a routine.you have to stop minding about petty things.and let go of expectations. because when a person is away,it is naturally difficult to understand what they are doing ,when would they be able to do things for you/make time for you etc. its not easy to predict anything of the person's life. you will have to accept the harsh fact that he and you are completely different individuals living on different planes.i'm not trying to scare you. it can be worked out in a great way, as a couple your relationship gets an opportunity to be made stronger and develop a deeper bond. if you can maintain a LDR successfully over 2 whole years, you get to become more mature as a couple .it can also make you /him realize how much you miss each other ..provided, there is a strong determination from both sides to keep it going . if your love is true , then distance shouldn't become a factor for breaking up.you'll have to however tackle bouts of anxiety and learn to maintain peace f mind.keep yourself busy,spend time with friends and others..discover new activities so that you're happy and occupied..so you don't find time to ponder over unnecessary feelings ,miss him etc.the main thing is that you have to accept that you're not in the same situation as other couples around you.he's away and you won't get much of him.I am in a LDR with my boyfriend since the past 1 year, and there have been hell a lot of ups and downs, and i've learnt many lessons :) it would be at least another 3 years of LDR before i can really plan to move closer to him..but we were never 24/7 together, unlike you.. so i guess your's will be much much more challenging..just go with the flow. If he's worth it ,then no harm in trying to work this out. but if one of you cannot co-operate it's not possible.you have to respect each other's time and differences and really co-operate .you will often feel something significant is lacking ..feel incomplete, and sometimes even like you're single ..you have to be really mature to accept it.i hope you my warnings make you feel calm when they happen,make you feel that "this is normal in a LDR, its okay".:)all the very best :) 3
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