A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This is not a regular relationship question. However, I'd really appreciate it if you'd all try to help me out. I basically want tips on how to improve my mom's quality of life. She has progressive MS and is in an electrical wheelchair. She can only move her hands and head, and the movement in her hands is declining.She gets nurses to care for her 5 times a day, an hour or more each time. She doesn't get out much, doesn't eat (lost her appetite) so we give her drinks with enough nutrition so she doesn't starve. She gets tired quickly, upon which she cannot hold her head upright anymore and needs a brace. She's mostly at home and her world is very small. It breaks my heart to see it.I'm 24 and I still live at home because of my mom's condition. My dad has lost his job and has been without one for almost 3 years. He gets rejected because he's "too old" according to potential employers. He's also dealing with depression. While he does a lot of home chores, he often detaches himself socially, visiting bars and friends instead of spending time with ma. I usually keep her company after I get home. I'm finishing up my studies, hoping to get a job at the police division in the city. But lately I've caught myself being more focused on my own future and less on my family. Because of her deteriorating condition, it's harder to take her places and I find myself doing it less and less often. Dad doesn't take her anywhere because the prospect makes him anxious. To be fair, it can be daunting. Arranging to go somewhere requires special transport, arranging for a different care schedule with the nurses and good weather (she gets cold very quickly now). Often, even when all these things are in her favor, she is too tired on the day itself and it gets cancelled. Other times, we go ahead with the trip, only to have her get dizzy spells in shopping malls (the places she loves to visit) because she cannot handle the volume of people running around. These days, the idea alone tires me.She is quite easy going in that respect, telling me she doesn't mind staying home. But deep down I know she'd like to go out. She doesn't have much to look forward to. She cannot read anymore because of the MS (reading was her big hobby) and basically all she has now is her favorite music. But that's not much of a life, is it? She doesn't complain, mind you. She's a real trooper, cracking jokes and all that. But basically, when it comes to her I'm stuck in a rut. I'm running out of ideas and inspiration. So I'd like to hear suggestions from you guys: how can I improve my mom's quality of life? Thank you for your time.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 October 2012):
 Instead of taking her places why not bring things to her at home? does she have friends that are still ok with being around her (it's hard to watch friends deteriorate) if so host small parties at your place for friends to come visit.. maybe even some sort of party where they have an activity such as selling clothing or something?
what about audio books for her to listen to? you can get them at the library....
the question I have to ask is, it's very kind of you to want to improve your mom's quality of life... has she ASKED about this... to be honest i suffer chronic pain daily and I am slightly mobility impaired... thankfully still able to work... but all I want to do is rest when I'm not doing things I have to do... is your mom even up to these things??
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2012): Have you thought about audio books? If you have a library for the blind you could get in contact with theme. I know that, at least in some countries?they also lent audio books to other people who have difficulty reading whatever the reason. Are there other family members or old friends who would come and visit her? That is, if your mother has nothing against it.
Don't be to hard on yourself. You have a right to think about your own futur and I don't think your mum would want you to put your own happiness a site for her wellbeeing.
Good luck
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