A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Not a r/ship question but hope you all can help. Appreciate it.How to not give off a negative "vibe"?I understand body language, it's so obvious at times, you know.. folding yr arms may mean being closed off, uncrossed arms being more open, smiling too much may be suspicious or fake etc etc Sometimes we do little things that turn others away (micro mannerisms you may say,) without meaning too, even if we try to have open posture etc etc we may send off a vibe that ppl may pick up, (sometimes they pick it up unconsciously) and we never quite know why some people are magnets to peple and others give off a vibe of "stay away" or "hmm, something odd here" I work with a really mangetic girl, who 9/10 people like instantly, she has a weird sense of humour and is naturally funny and witty, people love her, (and most don't have what shes got. Shes nothing special and isn't even especially friendly, but is just magnetic so...what's a good way to try to appear more open so you don't give off the "stay away from me" vibe or the "odd and maybe weird" vibe.. I mean appearing like the sort of person that others may want to talk to rather than stay away from, say in any social setting or at work, family fnction, where ever.. Am NOT talking conversation tips,( I know how to do that!) more vibe and general appearance. Hope you all get what mean? some people just give off good vibes some bad, some indifferent, some odd.would like to be a little less "stay way from me" and a little more" why not talk to her"I read people fairly well but people never read me correctly, despite me saying hi etc etcthankyou
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male
reader, Gauntlet  +, writes (24 January 2014):
 Something Robert DeNiro said one time: to be a good actor - and the body language stuff is about acting anyway - means to move less, as (according to him) real people don't react to things that much in real life.That's a good beginning in my opinion, try to erase tone down your pseudo-spontaneous reactions (which are often a copy of what is shown in movies and TV shows), face gimmicks, quick gestures etc.Great actors don't move that much, because they know cameras are slow to catch the images (because of sensor issues) thus photogenic persons are the one who move slowly, and like striking the pose (like Jackie Kennedy who has been cited below).Slow down, avoid making faces every two seconds, don't shake your hands, sit down straight back, and ask more than answer as people love nothing more than listening to themselves.In that way, you will be "charming" but maybe this "you" won't be somebody you will love so much after all...
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (23 January 2014):
 Smile a lot; ask a lot of questions.... and don't fold your arms across your chest.....
Good luck...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2014): You already know the general gist of it; but what you're forgetting is personality shines above any gestures, or subtle signals you can send.
You have to relax; because most body-language is natural. You're looking for some magical spell you can put together to make people like you. The only really conscious body-language is usually when we're defensive. Everything else is subconscious, or involuntary. Built-in as an instinct. You react to environment, temperature, and the climate. The number of people you're around, and noise-levels. The gender and age of the person, or people around you.
So how can we tell you how you should "act." If it doesn't come natural, it's an act.
People read body-language as subliminal messages. If it is deliberate or forced, we know that too. If you're making exaggeration poses, you look foolish. Mechanical.
Some things are obvious. Touching your hair, smiling, and tilting your head is sultry and inviting. You learn this as a child. You read your mother's body-language and you assimilate her moves. You note your dad's expressions and moods, and you know just when to get out of his way. That's stuff we learn as we grow up. Watching other people. Even animals.
Good posture shows confidence, and an outgoing personality.
If a woman caves in her chest, or covers her chest with her arms, and tilts her shoulders forward, she is body-conscious and often timid. People who are tall, often lower their frame to not appear so intimidating and large.
Watch how a very tall man seems to shrink; when a child or a woman approaches him, and grow when another man approaches. Men push our shoulders forward, point our chests toward you, spread our feet apart, and tilt our pelvises toward people we're attracted to. Our hands find their way toward our belt, or we stick our hands in our pockets. The gestures get more pronounced and very obvious when we're really attracted.
As a woman, you know exactly how to manipulate men into doing things for you. Just with your body-language.
There is a plethora of movements and expressions that signal fear and anxiety. Anybody can read those.
The best body-language is just being comfortable in your own skin. Your mind will get the message across through your natural stance and composure. Your general demeanor in the presence of another person signals if you're comfortable, tense, or aroused.
Your eyes scan the length of a person's body as you approach them. They arrange their body pose according to how they feel about that approach. If the stand more erect, or slouch. If they lean. You easily interpret the messages.
Do they lower their eyes, or raise their eyebrows? Does the face light up, or does the brow furrow? Do the corners of the mouth turn up or down, or are the lips pursed? Do the pupils dilate or shrink?
You instinctively know what all this means. The thing is, you are so unaware you're doing it; because this may all be within the blink of an eye.
It's easier to read body-language than to "purposely" try
to deceive people. That's how they normally tell when you're lying, or being shady. Even children can pick it up.
Police profile you, and lawyers know how to approach you on the stand; and force you to tell the truth. Jurors subconsciously watch your every move and expression; looking for any subtle sign of guilt or deception.
The young lady you described is probably outgoing, often smiles. Shoulders back, chest out, and her hands are usually in-front of her body. She seldom looks away, she looks people in the eyes. Her natural glow from her personality is like a beacon. That's how she does it.
She doesn't see everyone as a threat, nor does she feel she has to impress anyone. So her likeable spirit shines through. As other people approach, they pick up the general mood around her, so people are relaxed and jovial in her presence. Guarded people do just the opposite.
Get a good night's sleep. Have a good breakfast, and do some stretching and relaxing before going to work. Play comforting music on your way to work, and don't let the usual distractions or irritations effect your mood.
Then say good morning; and watch how people react. They will even ask you why such a good mood? That's a usual indication that your past body-language told them to keep their distance, and leave you alone. Caustic personalities are like a fire alarm. I don't have to tell you how to read them; or how to give off the vibe.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (23 January 2014):
 Make good eye contact.
Be interested in what they say.
Jackie Bouvier Kennedy Onassis was very good at this. If you were speaking to her, you had her complete attention. She was not looking over your shoulder or somewhere else. She was paying attention.
I saw the Today show discuss this today. The people where giving advice suggested that you open your eyes and lift your eyebrows while making eye contact for the first time.
Do not crowd people (each culture will have its own accepted personal space so make sure you are in the range for yours).
When you talk to someone, don't face them toe to toe and try to connect. Instead, stand at an angle and make sure you are making eye contact.
So basically, relax, make eye contact and then relax, then make more eye contact, is what I got from the TV show.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2014): this is the poster
typing errors sorry!
hope yu can read it.
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