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male
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anonymous
writes: My wife and I have been married for ten years. This last year I had an affair for one year and lied to my wife. I want to fix everything I have destroyed with my wife because I truly love her. We both want to start over again. How can I help my wife to over come the images she has in her head, the pain, the mis-trust she has in me and the emptiness she is feeling?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2006): Talk to her about the images she has in her head. What hurts is that you did these things in secret and blocked her out. If you talk to her about everything you will break down the wall of your secret life and trash the affair, in other words if you betray your lover by telling your wife everything that happened you build up your relationship with your wife and destroy the intimacy you had with your lover. From then on it takes time. Time for her to adjust to what has happened. Time to learn to accept the pain, and time to rebiuld the trust between you. You need to give it time........
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (18 August 2006):
 Time is your only friend here. Stay faithful, supportive, and loving and eventually all the good feelings will replace the bad. Trust takes time to develop and only a second to destroy. Actions speak louder than words so just stay the course. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, jn +, writes (18 August 2006):
 There is no "Ctrl Z" in life. Once done there is no undoing. The strongest thing you are going to have to work on is gaining that trust back. Good luck, My ex cheated on me and 10 years later I am over it, but will never forget that feeling, the good thing is I learned from it, I hold that feeling and know not to ever do it my self, I don't want to ever feel that way again, or have any one else feel that way. You should go to counseling with your wife write away and thank God that she didn't leave you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2006): You have to show her publicy that you are truly sorry and make an ultimate sacrifice, or inconvienience yourself, and show that you are willing to humiliate yourself for her benefit. It may sound childish, but she will see then see you are deadly serious and very sorry. I suggest shaving half your hair off, say the left side and then shave off your right eyebrow.
If you can bare the embarrasment of looking like a right pratt, for her benefit, she will see that you are deadly serious about her.
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