A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My question is a sad one and I find there are many people here from all walks of life who have good insight.My problem concerns both my niece who is 32 and also her parents. Her dad is my brother. He is no longer with my nieces mother and has remarried. His second wife is almost 30 years younger and he is a dad now to a six year old and is in his late sixties.My niece is an actor with many films to her credit and one role which made her quite well known and yet I think messed her up. Along with significant mental health issues she started using pot to help her manage her bipolar symptoms.She went into rehab last year and was doing well but got involved with a guy she met there who was also struggling with addiction.I do not think covid helped but she relocated to another province and city. It went from bad to worse. She is currently missing in one of the roughest areas of Vancouver with no phone, dont know about money but she is taking a soup of drugs including fentanyl, cocaine, meth. We are afraid we could lose her.She is on the streets.Her parents have such different approaches. Her mom is very hands on. She has flown out there...is trying to line something up.Her dad says we are pretty much powerless to help her or that is what I was told by her mom.They are not a united front and two weeks ago I called some outreaches in the areas where the police have seen her according to her mom.It helped as I sent her pic and her parents contact info. They found her and she called.My brother was annoyed I did not ok it with him first but she is 32 and he appears to be not doing a great deal.I finally lost it with both her parents and told them their childish sniping after fifteen years of being apart was ridiculous and to grow up.I am not in a province close to my niece and want to help my niece but I dont knos how. Any suggestions are welcome.Both her parents love her but her mom enables her by buying a car and paying rent on her apartment. Her dad is very much the opposite and says we should let it play out. I do not know if he is naive...we are talking about fentanyl here.How do I help my niece under these circumstances?
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (1 June 2021):
 Addiction is heartbreaking. More so for the family and loved ones who have to watch without really being able to FIX the issue.
No amount of rehab will fix this UNTIL she wants to be clean and live her best life.
The fact that she is also dating someone whom she met in rehab, who ALSO suffers from addiction just confounds the problems. They will bring the WORST out in each other.
If "helping her" financially and with buying her stuff HAS NOT worked, maybe you all need to step back and try the method the dad is suggesting. Which is PAINFUL, but only SHE can get to the point where SHE wants to be clean.
Unfortunately, she isn't into the "easy" stuff. Fentanyl is deadly. She knows this. But she doesn't care. She doesn't care about anything but the next fix.
Yes, it would be nice if you could lock her up until she is clean and better but it might not be realistic.
I would look into support groups for family members of addicts and see if they can give you more help.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2021): Her dad is the one who's handling this best. She's a 32 year-old woman, and everyone else involved (you and her mother) are just being enablers.
If she disappears on the streets, she knows exactly what she's doing. It's how she gets you worried and you'll probably send her money. Like her father says, it has to play-out. Giving her a car and money is only giving her something to sell, and enabling her to buy drugs.
Addicts have to hit rock-bottom, and will only change when the only way back is up.
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