A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, my girlfriend recently confided in me that she had been raped, or molested or something of the sort not too long ago, possibly less then a few months ago, she refuses to divulge any details to me, she won't tell me who, when, where, what happened, or ANYTHING. She simply has made it known to me that it's happened. She also told me that she hasn't told a single soul, except for me.I've done my best to convince her to tell someone, even if it's not me, a teacher, a friend, her parents, her siblings, ANYONE. But, she refuses, and begins to break down crying. I've been with her now for a month, but we've been friends for 2 years, I know if I ever found out who it is, one of us would be going to jail, and the other to the hospital. And let me tell ya, I'm going to be somebody's bitch in prison, haha.Anyways, please, tell me how I can possibly help her. I've helped alot of people through stuff like this, including people from my own family, but she's being especially stubborn about this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust would like to clarify, any feelings towards the person who hurt her, I've kept to myself, I've not mentioned doing anything to whoever did it to her. That was said here, and only here.
One big reason is I've seen plenty of people who waited for a long time to tell someone you know, not tell anyone. Then the same victomizer turns around and does the same thing to other friends of mine, which is why im pressuring her. If she lets this go, that person will likely hurt someone else.
I've been very understanding of her situation, and I've made it well known that I didn't want her to go along with anything sexual unless she felt that she truly loved me, and wanted to, and felt she was ready.
I don't really bring it up with her, and I don't try to push her into giving me details, when she first told me about it, i listened and when she had stopped asking, i just asked questions, and she refused to provide any kind of answer.
And no, Waz. I am not using her as a foil to make myself into some sort of super-hero. I'm simply trying to do my best to help and protect someone I love, because I love them. Not because i want to be a "hero"
A
female
reader, Isabella1974  +, writes (9 May 2008):
 Hi there,I know the main reason she wont go into detail is that she finds it very hard to talk about this, its something she obviously is trying to forget and tries to block this out, she may need counselling to help her, if that what she wishes to do and maybe this will give her the strength to go to the next stage and tell someone.
It really has to be her choice on when and to whom she wants to tell. It is a really hard thing to discuss, so you have to be really patient with her and only let her talk, she will tell you when she is ready. Its good she has you for support and you care so much for her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2008): Either she is seeing how you would react in a serious situation, or she is afraid of the unknown. Don't say anything to anybody (us excluded because we are annonymous. In the mean time, comfort her, be supportive, don't dwell on it, be compassionate. When she does talk about it, attempt to open her up; be gentle; ask her how that made you feel, or I wouldn't like that (women here can clarify what to say to a woman).
This is step one.
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A
female
reader, growing  +, writes (9 May 2008):
 It seems to me that you are more on legal side and you want that ______to report to judiciary.though being a good citizen ,one should abide by rules but here you need to see yrself as her frd first,and try to have an idea what she is goin through .at this point of time she just want care and she want to see you in that role.but yes you can bring this topic once in a while and how you think about this case ,discuss incidents of same kind and how other victims fight against that crime and feeling they get after is satisfactory and how by sitting back she is encouraging those animals but yes don't force her into things just be slow and you can use media in this,like showing her some news on rape cases and reading some report in newspaper about that to her and then tell her how you feel about that and then even ask her take on that.May be later on she will realise the right thing that she should be doing.
if she can't assemble that strenght for long and that predator has gone far from reach then your eforts will still not go in drain.she will get strenght to fight for someone else if that happens to some one she knows. so keep discussing things but not oftently.
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A
female
reader, Isabella1974 +, writes (9 May 2008):
Hi there, she obviously trust you with alot and just wants you to listen, believe me, specking from experience i know.
Its a type of release for her, she justs wants you to be supportive of her and be there for her. You are not helping by pressuring her, (she gets upset, yes because of what happened but also because you are presurising her) she justs wants you to listen, if she wanted to tell anyone, she would have done so at this stage.
Yes it will always be in her mind, but if she can share it with someone then, while it does not erase the memory, at least she knows someone is there for her if she every feels upset again and they will understand why.
You will not help the situation if you ever find out who did this to her, this will make it worse and will push her away and cause alot more problems for her. Threatening to beat this person up is not the answer, just be there for her and listen when she wants to talk.
Take care
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A
female
reader, sexi  +, writes (9 May 2008):
 Hi
The good thing is that you listened to her. Just continue to be there fro her when she needs you. She should go for some counselling as this could affect her later on in life.If she doesnt want to tell anyone its her choice and there is not much that you can do. Just be the support system that she requires!
Regards
Sexi
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