A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hiya i'm recently with my new gf who i've been with for 2 months. Shes not someone you find a lot. Shes had a tough time, doesn't mix easily and tends to feel very unloved. Shes a lovely person and given the chance she really changes and becomes a normal person. This is becasue no one except her family seemed to take her seriously, she only had afew close friends at school and now only stays intouch with one of them and they are very close, she has friens at work but when it comes to going out at night she finds it hard to make friends. Truely shes never had a bf but we go to a local pub and unfortunatly there are some *idiots* to put it bluntly that tend to as they put it just do things for fun. The fun being messing people about, making a fool of themsleves, and having god knows how many one night stands. Well one of them is alright he is a nice person when hes on his own and to cut a long story short made her think he really liked her and was interested in her and all he did was sleep with her and then go and we haven't seen him since. the thing is it really hurt her because of everything that has gone on and the fact that he took her virginty and she had to hide it from him. Now we really like each other but this has really shaken her up and shes, well i wouln't say scared but very weriry and nervous, but with me she keeps saying she'll do anything and what ever i want and i have told her i don't want her for sex. We did sleep togethjer last night, didn't have sex or anything but she was really shakey and tearful. What can i do? i want to help but i know i can't change the past.One minute i want her to open up to me but at the same time i don't want to make her upset or feel as if i'm being nosey. I really like her and her firends and fmaily and she gets on well with mine. Please help.
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at work, her past, move on, one night stand, unloved Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2008): Everything your GF has been through obviously troubles her and i think it is really great you are offering to help her overcome some of them.Its quite easy to talk to someone pestering them to open but you obviously seem very sincere and want what is best for her.What you need to do is to do things on her timing. If she clams up dont push her anymore just accept what she has told you and comfort her. The best thing for you to do i to try and understand how she is feeling.Loosing your virginity is such a big deal to many people and it sounds she had a very rough time. She will not forget that easily. I think you should just be yourself and treat her with the respect and sincerity that everyone deserves. Treat her, buy her flowers chocloates and gifts but also spend quality time with her without the gifts. Show her you want to be with her and hopefully over time whether it is a few weeks or months or even years, she will eventually trust you to open up.Do not sit her down and say to her i want to help you, please tell me what you feel as this will make feel pressured on the spot. Simply kiss her and tell her if she ever wants to talk about anything at all good or bad, you will be there to listen anytime. Then leave it at that.This simply lets her know she has you to turn to if she needs to without feeling pushed into talking about things she is comfortable with yet.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2008): Do you think she feels desired by you? She offered herself to you and you've turned her down.
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