A
female
age
30-35,
*nonymous19
writes:I need help! I always tend to expect too much from people i love and who might not even love me. I expect them to love me back the way i want to and it kills me when i get the feeling that they dont love me(not romantic relationship). It feels like i push them away by doing this. I want to have a close relationship with them. Why am i so and how can i change that and have close relationship? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2008): You may be trying too hard to be loved, anon. You cannot "force" emotions on people. As you said, you can push people away by trying to be too close too soon. Friendship, real caring friendship, which is what I think you mean, takes time to grow. You must be open with those you like/love, but not "enveloping". They will come to know you as a caring friend in time simply by the fact you are always there for them when they need you, and that you are interested in their wellbeing. It is not always easy, but it takes time. And if someone does not seem to be interested in having you as a friend, do not take it personally. It has nothing to do with you. There are probably those you do not care to have as friends...for many reasons. It may just be that you don't have the same interests or like the same things. I know you probably get tired of hearing how young you are and that you have a lot of time to meet people you can love and be loved by, but, I am afraid I must say it again, anyway...because it is...true. Best wishes, hon, and just let me say this one last thing,...learn to like yourself first. If you are down on yourself..for whatever reason..you can't expect others to be drawn to you, either. People like to be around those who have self-confidence and are happy with themselves. They like to be with people who have something they admire and would like to have themselves. The best "aura" to give off to others is not,.."like me, like me!"... but simply an honest, "I like you".
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