A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I need help. This friend of mine will not leave me alone. I think he's obsessed with me. He asked me out but I turned him down because he is just not my type and to be honest he's boring and clingy. Since then everything I have said that I'm doing he asks if he can come with me. I'm too kind to say no because I don't want to hurt him as he's recently split up with his wife. I volunteer often at a certain place and fancy one of the guys there. I've mentioned this to my friend to try and hint that I'm not interested in him and now he's talking about starting volunteering too. I hate it on nights out because it makes us look like a couple because he doesn't leave my side and its really hard to talk to new people and friends because he's always there. He's always commenting and liking my Facebook statuses and pictures with things like "you're so sweet" and "you always look good" and again it makes it look like we are any item. It's so annoying when I'm trying to attract someone else. I just don't know what to do or say to him without hurting him. I don't want this guy cramping my style. I feel like I can't do anything on my own or be my own person. I hate it.
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male
reader, shelcoop +, writes (1 April 2013):
Though I agree with Darrell's "in the long run, you are being cruel to be kind" advice, I don't think you want to offer him friendship - it doesn't sound like you even want his company at all.
If you don't know what to say to him without hurting him, then hurt him. The way I see it, it can't be worse than letting him waste his time AND yours. Who knows, maybe you weren't clear enough the first time; sometimes you think you're rejecting someone, but your wording is ambiguous enough for them to assume otherwise.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2013): I feel ur pain! Im in the same situation atm but its more annoying more than anything dont u think?? - with th facebook comments you can reply saying something like "thanks buddy!" ...
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A
male
reader, Darrell Goodliffe  +, writes (31 March 2013):
 I think you have to be firm but fair here. You need to define some boundaries. It seems likely he is rebounding which is the good news because it wont last hopefully. Id say something like what he says is really sweet and thank you but tell him you feel its inappropriate. Also, if you are feeling generous you can tell him that strong friendships often last longer than relationships which is not untrue.
Try and be gentle, bear in mind he has just lost his wife and another rejection is going to hurt but given how you feel, in the long run, you are being cruel to be kind. If you want maybe you could try and set him up with somebody which would give him another focus. Good luck.
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