A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I have just came out of a very emotionaly abusive relationship. Before the relationship started I had a really close male friend, who was the best. Very supporting and we just 'cicked'. We were realy close. My abusive bf however saw him as a threat and isloated me from him. He would make me feel exstremely guilty for being with my close male friend, to the point where my friendship was ruined with him.Now that I put an end to my abusive relatiosnhip, I want that friendship back (I did want it back before but didnt feel I could get it back) but I dont know how.My friend seems to have 'moved on'. He says hes just busy and thats why I barely see him now, but part of me thinks hes angry with me for leting my ex bf get in the way of our friendship. I feel so bad about it and I knwo it was wrong. I just want that close friendship back again. How can i get it? I feel so lonely. My ex isolated me from sooo many people.
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female
reader, Oblivia  +, writes (12 August 2007):
 I think you shouldn't give up just yet on approaching your friend. It could be that he is a little angry with you but if you explain to him that your ex boyfriend was very abusive to you he should understand. If you used to be very close friends, then most probably he must be very happy for you to being able to come out of it in one piece and want to help you move on. Tell him how much you miss him, that he is very important to you and that now you really need him back as a friend.Don't feel bad that this happened to you. You were under influence of someone abusing you emotionally, it is very hard to stand up for oneself when things like that happens to you. It was not your fault. You should be proud of yourself being able to leave an abusive relationship, and it is brave of you to work on getting back to friends that he isolated you from.Wish you all the best, keep us posted on how it goes.
A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (12 August 2007):
 Hi
That commonly happens in controlling relationships.
You might not be able to get it back. But i think your male friend should be able to understand that friendships do go a bit on the wayside when relationships start up.
Its obvious you cant maintain the momentem of seeing friends as much.
Have you tried explaining to him, that the guy you was with was extremely controlling & thats what happened?
Told him you miss what you had & wished you hadnt let this guy be so manipulative??
He might be thinking that as soon as you meet someone else, you will 'bin him off' again?
Its a shame though if you cant get it back again like it was before.
More talking to him i think.
Good luck with it.
C xxxx
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