A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been in a very physically verbally emotionally abusive relationship on and off for 5 years. Recently I had enough when he beat me in front of our 1 year old and I'm pregnant... my mother called the police and my 7 year old was there, at first I refused to press charges but after listening to my 7 year old tell the police about events that he has witnessed in the past I decided I needed to take a stand... him and I do not live together any more but have still maintained a relationship... because of the things my son said to police, child protective was called and now they are doing an investigation. I'm so stressed out... his family absolutely hate my guts and his grandmother works for the court system and he always seems to weasel his way out of trouble... I'm scared they are going to make me lose my daughter, my son is from a previous relationship and his father keeps threatining to take action against me if I take my daughter's father back which I have no intention on doing... my daughters grandmother and which is his mother were really close at one point but now she doesn't want to speak to me... I understand blood is thicker than water but isn't wrong wrong? Anyway her and I have to work together and the tension is thick not to mention she is the biggest gossiper in my town... all these things happening I do not know what to do... no one has custody of the baby cause I've never gone to court... Everybody is on my back and there is a restraining order but he only got charged with endangering the welfare of a child and harassment... can anyone tell me how to get sole custody without making this uglier and more stressful on me than it already is? What types of rights does he have after the temporary restraining order runs out? What rights do grandparents have? The thing is I hardly have family here and if I decide to move out of state can they stop me? His mother said that she has rights too as a grandparent and can make it so that I can't move out of state? Please help me I'm a nervous wreck! I feel like giving up all together...
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2009): Hi! My heart goes out to you! Go to the police precinct where the charges were filed. Tell them you want the complete police reports, not just the charges. Try to remember specific events where he was abusive to you or your child. Write everything he has said and done that is abusive. If you can, get a lawyer or perhaps legal aid. if there have been any witnesses to his mistreatment of you (friends, family, neighbors, Anyone!) Ask them to please write a statement documenting what they saw and heard. Be Strong, Stand up for Yourself and Your Children!
He needs to be held accountable, whether his grandmother works for the courts or not!
In the meantime you must walk the straight and narrow! Don't party, don't see other men, don't neglect your children! I'm not suggesting you would do that, but I don't really know your lifestyle. And now that I think of it...your pregnant and shouldn't be doing those things anyway! If your house is cluttered or untidy, clean it up, make it acceptable to CPS's scrutiny! Do not have any contact with your ex!!!! And GOOD LUCK!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2009): hi and sorry i really can't help with this one - i am impressed by your courage and resolve - i know you will need more of these in the days ahead.
Don't give up - loosing is easy. but you are stronger than that and he can't win.
is it possible to go home to your parents in some way? i dont think the grand parents have rights. sounds wrong to me. Are they so proud of there sons actions to hit and be violent against a woman?
i cant see they can stop you moving out of state. that sound wrong to me.
this is the best link i found quickly on US law
http://topics.law.cornell.edu/wex/Child_custody
and might help.its not allowed. which state are you in? i know they have different laws in different states.
i am sorry i cant help with this - i am sure there are other aunts who are US based who may help.
be strong and believe it will work out.
star.x.
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