A
male
age
30-35,
*azzedUp
writes:My girlfriend of 3 years broke things off with me the other night and I am absolutely devastated and need help dealing with it. Let me start from the beginning. We met 3 years ago and I immediately fell head over heels for her. Her family didn't have much, so much so that the nicest pair of gym shoes she had were from Walmart. I have had an amazingly blessed and fortunate life, I was driving a new BMW when we met and have never not had anything I didn't want and I made it a point to give her all of the things that she had never had. So I spoiled her, but not only with gifts but with love, and adventure. We would go on trips together and do things that her family had never been able to do before and up until about six months ago, she was crazy about me. She spent our first two years together in her 11th and 12th grade years of high school and once she graduated she got two jobs so she could have her own money and I respect that so I began only buying her things that she wanted but didn't want to buy for herself, including a reliable used car. About three months ago she got into it with her mother and moved out to live with her best friend and since then I slowly was pushed out of the picture until the other night when she called and asked me to come see her at the park. This was the first time I had seen her in a month probably. Her reasoning for never having time to see me was that she was working so much because she needed the money now for rent and insurance and other bills. So I get to the park and I immediately knew what was coming. She said that she still loves me with all her heart, and that I did nothing wrong, and that I in fact did everything right, she just didn't have room in her life for me because she has so many other problems like her jobs and trying to get back on good terms with her mother. I tried to reason to her that if neither of us did anything wrong and we both still love each other then that's no reason for us to just give up. I begged her to let me help her through the problems she was facing but it did little good. Once we got in our cars to leave I even jumped out and ran her down to beg her not to do this but she said she didn't know of any way I could help her get her life where she wants it to be. So here I am. The girl I was one question away from proposing to is gone and I don't know what to do. I love her more than I've ever loved anyone in my life and I wanted her to be the one I married. Someone please help me. These last three years have been the best years of my life, and now that they could be over, I don't feel like my life has any meaning anymore. I just want my love back.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 June 2015):
 I think she was (still is) a little too young to settle down (with you or anyone else) right now.
My advice is accept that she is still growing and maturing and she HAS to find her own way, you can buy it and pave it for her.
If she has felt like she didn't TRULY loved you for a while, it might have been hard for her to break up. Specially because you didn't DO anything "bad". Sometimes though, we end up with a couple where ONE partner is WAY more invested in the relationship than the other. THIS is one of them. YOU her her your sun and your moon, but that is NOT what she wanted/needed. She needs an equal, not a caretaker.
Accept that it's over. LEARN from that relationship. DO NOT think that money will BUY you happiness or a grateful partner. It is NICE to OCCASIONALLY spoil your partner, but do CARRY THEM financially unless you are married and THAT is the agreement.
I'm sure you are a ice guy, but your post also comes off like you bought a girlfriend, and now this girlfriends walks away and you don't understand why.
Save your money. Save up for a house and for those rainy days.
YOU can date a girl without having to PAY for it constantly.
SHE needs to find her own two feet. Her place in the world, YOU can't do that for her. GIVE her time and give her space. If you two truly had something special she might come back, but if she doesn't, YOU need to respect and accept that it wasn't meant to be.
Your life still has meaning. It has just changed from being ALL about her, to being about you. YOU need to find yourself as well, YOU can not DEPEND on another person for YOUR happiness. THAT is on you.
I know it's still raw and it will be for a good while still, but it WILL get better.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2015): People don't break up over "not having time". Not unless you are being more demanding on her time/etc than she can handle right now, which doubt.
I hate to break this to you. But she is probably trying to let you down easy because she wants to be with someone else (or at least doesn't want to be with you.) She'll give you the too-busy reason now. But it probably won't be long before she finds another guy she has time for. I would give it at least 50/50 odds, maybe more, that she already has him picked out.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2015): I think the financial difference has come between you and she must have gotton fed up with feeling that you were buying her. To say that you were one step away from proposing is illogical because everyone who isnt married is always one question away, but a question alone is meaningless, your actions and feelings have to put you in the moment and in the yet and the in three years youve been together you havent popped the question .Perhaps youve decided belatedly that she's the one but you clearly havent been gving her the correct messages that she is the one. Now you need to ask yourself why you didnt use your fabulous fnancial assets to wow her and pop the question in a romantic setting.
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