A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello, me and my girlfriend have been together for about 6 month now and everything is going good. we see each other about 5 days a week and have a lot of fun together. im 19 and she is 16 by the way. the thing is, we have yet to have sex, which is fine with me, but she has started bringing up the subject. neither of us are virgins. here, the legal age of consent is 16 so im not worried about that. i really think i love this girl and we both want to have sex, but... and im not sure if this makes me "weird" or not... i will only have sex with a girl who is on birth control. (plus condoms). i have mentioned this to her and she says she will not go on the pill. ive offered to pay for it, take her to the doctor to get it, etc. but she says she does not want to be on it. she says she fears what it will do to her body in the long run i.e. weight gain, possible complications, fertility in the future... but i do not feel comfortable having sex with her without it. i do not want to end up with a child just yet. im starting to think we will never have sex because of our opposing views on this matter. how can i a) get over my paranoia or b) convince her to try the pill. thank you!
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male
reader, Odds +, writes (5 July 2010):
 A) This is not paranoia, this is an entirely healthy concern. A child would screw up both your lives right now, and you should *not* have sex without some form of birth control. Notably, condoms are effective against STD's but are onyl slightly more effective long-term than pulling out for preventing pregnancy (use it anyway, because it's the only form of birth control YOU have control over).
B) Her concerns are also legitimate. The pill is a concentrated hormone that will have many side effects, including possibly changing the kinds of traits she finds attractive in men. Consider alternate forms of birth control, such as Interuterine Devices. Either way, it's her choice, and now that you've tried to persuade her, further pressure would be immoral.
C) Is she of the age of consent in your state? Might be worth looking into; if she gets pregnant, or feels too pressured, you could get in pretty serious legal trouble.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2010): There are lots of choices out there, I am sure your girl friend, will find one she happy with.
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A
female
reader, trueyounglove  +, writes (5 July 2010):
Heya,I'm on the pill and as a girl I can say that I was scared lots of taking it but it's not bad at all. About the fears of your gf, the pill won't make her gain weight, only if she eats lots. The pill has this ingredient which makes the girl have more appetite but not gain weight without eating as a response to the big appetite. The solution is not respond to the appeteite. If she has complications she should change the pill. I've done that too there are two sorts. If she has alot of pain during her period the doctor mite want to give her a 30 which should help to make the pain go less bad. I did have a 30 at first because I have huge pains on my perod but it made me sick and dizzy now I'm on a 20 for a very long time and it's working perfect. I can't really explain about the 30 and 20 you have to look it up. It has to do with the amount of hormones inside, when they're higher it should make the period cramps go down, or something like that. By the way I think you're very clever that you don't want to do it without birth controll or/and without a condom. Using the excuses with the weight won't work as you read and if you can get her to the doctors and talk it over the doctor will present her other solutions if she doesn't want the pill, there's the implant and a 3 month injection and lots of other colutions.Hope it helped.Oxana
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A
female
reader, england_rock_chic  +, writes (5 July 2010):
You cant force her to go onto the pill. its her body, its up to her. some people can't actually take the pill for medical reasons (it thickens the blood, and if you have a history of blood clots in the family this increases the risk)
See if you can find a different form of birth control that you both agree on using, condoms work if you use the correctly, but there may be another form of birth control out there.
by literally begging her to go on the pill is slightly worrying, you'll end up pushing her away.
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A
female
reader, asdfg +, writes (5 July 2010):
Well, I definitely understand where you're coming from, but all you can do is refuse to have sex with her. Truth is, it isn't just about what the pill does to your body; quite frankly, in my experience the pill turned me into a total b*tch due to the hormones. I dealt with it anyway because I sure as hell was not about to have a kid, but you have to keep in mind that it is HER body and it ultimately is up to her, and that you aren't really in a position to judge her based upon what she does and does not do. That said, as you mentioned SHE is the one that brought up sex, so I think you should ABSOLUTELY tell her, and continue to tell her, NO, unless she gets on the pill. It's your future that's at stake, too, and you absolutely have the right to make your needs/demands known. If she can't deal with that, looks like this relationship is not going to work.
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