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male
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anonymous
writes: My girlfriend and I have been dating for about four months and we are definately in love with each other. We spend everyday together, but don't live with each other. We are already talking about marriage but there is one thing lingering and eating away at me. About 6 weeks ago we talked about past partners, and what I learned scared and surprised me. You see, we come from completely opposite backgrounds, before her I was a virgin and had not been in a serious relationship. She on the other hand has been with 40+ different guys, lived with 2 guys, each for at least a year, and she was almost married twice. 40+ guys!!! Most of which took place in about a one year period. This information is hard for me to swallow. I don't know if I can spend my life with someone who has done all of that, I certainly never thought that I would. I am constantly drifting off and thinking about her past, what she was like, what she did and how it happened. I just cannot get these things out of my head. Everytime she talks about some guy she knows, I am thinking to myself, "Oh, she must have banged him." And everytime she talks about anything in her past I am thinking "who was she sleeping with at that time." I want to forget, but can't. I want to move on, but am stuck. I want things to work but I just don't know. Please help. What can I do to get over this? Will this affect our future? If we get married will she go back to that lifestyle and get tired of being with just me? How can I get over my girlfriends past?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2007): man i am right there with you. i have grown up with very high standards for myself and that is what i wanted in a girl. then i met this amazing girl who was the sweetest and kindest hearted girl ive ever met. we fell for each other and dated for a couple months before i found out about her past. ive been with 2 girls and im 24 and shes been with 8 guys and shes 21. i thought i was in love with her until i found this out. i am disgusted by it, and i couldnt get over it. i broke up with her and it has been really hard because i thought she was the one. i still wonder if i made the right choice, but i do know there are plenty of girls out there who actually had some respect for themselves.
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male
reader, Lostandalone  +, writes (11 September 2006):
 That is a tough one. Who knows??? I mean you can always say her past is the past and don't we all have the right to change and can't we all change. Sex is a very intimate thing for me as well. I would be very skeptical about her past too but don't rush. I mean four months is not enough time to be discussing marriage, at least not for me and not with her past. I'm not saying hold her past against her but be aware of it and make the right decision accordingly. If you can't handle her past now it won't get easier as you go along. Somethings are best left in the past. I don't think she should have told you this not knowing how you would handle it. The choice is always yours. You have to live with this. Can you go the rest of your life knowing what she has done and deal with it or will you let it eat away at your sanity everytime she greets a guy or smiles or says that she knows him. To thy self be true. Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, nobody +, writes (11 September 2006):
Youre not alone in feeling this, I have been in a pretty similar situation with my boyfriend.I know its a cliche but you have to remember that that is in the PAST. You can only judge on how she treats you. Whether she will return to her ways, only time will tell, as it will with my boyfriend I guess. But in th three years we've been together Ive never had any reason to doubt him. I hope it will be the same for you.
Also, she didnt lie to you did she? She told you the truth, probably knowing that you werent going to like it. Thats worth a lot I think.
You know, people often go through phases when they are growing up of being insecure, experimenting. It doesnt make you a certain type of person. I had eight one night stands in a year when I was eighteen, and have never had another one in the ten years since, and Im pretty sure never will again! People can change.
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A
male
reader, Ponungalungb +, writes (11 September 2006):
 You have to say to yourself "Can I put the past in the past and move on, or do I dwell in the past and stagnate?"
Basically, you're saying that you care what other people will say or think when they see you with her. If you're happy being in her company, then that's all that matters.
Enjoy the moment! Seize the day! Forget the past. . . it's over and done!
If you can't move on, then that's your loss.
Good luck!
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