A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 4 years, and we have been really serious. When he moved out of his parents house and into a friends place, things started getting rough. He was living with two other guys, so I was also concerned about other girls being there, and him cheating on me. He never did cheat on me, but I always accused him of it. After 3 weeks of constantly fighting, he broke up with me. We were apart for almost two weeks, and during that time he was talking to and hanging out with an old girl friend. We then got back together, but now I cannot get the girl out of my mind. I asked him about it and he told me everything. I was even friends with the girl and she told me everything. They never had intercourse, or did anything sexual. The girl kissed my boyfriend on the cheek and they watched movies one night, and went out to breakfast. He claims that he just wanted someone to talk to, but just recently I found out that he has been lying about how he got her number. He said he got it awhile ago because they were friends before we started dating, but I found out that he got her number from his friend before we even broke up. He said that he talked to her a few timese before we broke up only because we were having problems, and she wasn't the reason that he broke up with me. Now he doesn't contact her at all any more, and says that he regrets ever breaking up with me, and talking to her and that he is very sorry. The only problem now, since he never did cheat because we we were not together and they never were sexual together is that I can't stop thinking about them together. He said he only liked her as a friend, and wouldn't be back with me if he liked her more, but I constantly think what was so great about her? why did he like talking to her, why didn't he talk to me about our problems? I just can't stop thinking that he likes her more or will go back with her. I'm very confused. How do I get over the past because it is now hurting our relationship when I constantly bring it up?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2009): hey,It sounds like you need some reassurance that he just can't offer you, though he may be trying to. To be honest, the kiss on the cheek thing sounds a little strange to me, like a cover-up of some kind... but regardless of that, it sounds like you are a little hard on him and overly suspicious, which pushes him away. Maybe this is because he isn't exactly honest with you about things like the phone number- probably he feels he needs to cover them up because of how upset you'll get. It seems like he does genuinely want to keep the relationship going, but it's up to you to decide if you feel comfortable enough with the situation to just calm down, or if you want to place your bets on someone who you'll feel less anxious about being with.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2009): There's an old saying, Women are emotional and Men like to think they are Gods. Your partner was socialising with his mates and you became emotional about it. It was not logical because you choose not to trust him. He felt convicted by you for doing nothing wrong. He then wandered off looking for a better support than this to put him back on the chair where he belongs. Having bonded, he was still in love with you. Now you are emotional than rational and looking at the full picture of fairness to both sides, that he met up with some-one else. Rather than yourself working on communicating to him that you started this problem in the first place and it wont happen again. A boyfriend is not Dad and a Girlfriend is not mum. So you cant tell off, or tell, and a person chooses to be with you, you have to set them free and to be thankful they choose you. Anyway, as you've seen, once a guy is settled in he stays, unless there's problems you want to create
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