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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I've always had body image issues, it's quite embarrassing.Ever since I was a kid I had bad self esteem, because my mom wouldn't let me wear my hair long (I had long hair up to when I was like 4 years old, but my mom got sick of me crying when she brushed it). So kids at school used to ask me why did I wear my hair short, and I felt like a boy.I've also always disliked my face. And my body. Even though I have a feminine body, because I'm quite curvy, like an hourglass, I'm also a bit chubby and my breasts are a bit too small for my frame, 'cos I'm also larger than other girls. All my friends are thin and some inches shorter than me, I'm much taller and look weird around them, because I'm not fat, actually I've a normal BMI but I'm still flabby and my friends aren't.I'm not in highschool anymore, but when I was my friends were always getting attention from boys, and they were always picked the prettiest girls of the class. I never was. Guys never approached me. Only one guy called me ugly, but really, no one ever told me I was beautiful or picked me for anything. All that made me less confident.Also, my sister has always got way more attention from guys. Even my male friends always told me how pretty she is. And we look very alike, plus she's not thinner or anything, I just don't get why then if we're so similar I've never been complimented.I only have caught one man's eye: my boyfriend's. He approached me because he thought I was pretty. He fell in love with me and tells me I'm very pretty and also sexually attractive, that I'm the prettiest girl he's dated. But I know for a fact that I'm not; the girls he's dated all had a lot of suitors, and they recieved attention even when being with him, plus he dated the prettiest girl of his class who was also voted the one with the hottest body. Yet he tries very hard to make me feel secure, but I just can't, because I know he loves me and that's why he says all that, 'cos I'm his first love and he has idealized me a lot so he can practically see no flaws in me, but the girls he dated before are sooo much prettier and that naturally makes me insecure.Well, also the typical, the media, porn, makes me feel inadequate. I know it's all Photoshop, but even though I feel bad after looking at them. However, what makes me feel uglier is that THE REAL PEOPLE surroinding me, my peers, are way prettier, his exes, my sister, everyone around me is so pretty and I just feel ugly, because I never got attention from anyone or compliments and still don't, only from my boyfriend.I know looks fade and that there are more important things to a person. That I'm loved and healthy, and all that. And I'm really grateful, but as a woman, I want to feel beautiful and I don't, so please don't judge me because of that. It's hard to see veryone get complimented and not me, it's hard to see how attractive people get treated better, etc.What can I do to get over this nagging insecurity of mine? All I want is to feel beautiful, but I don't know how :(
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female
reader, shandygirl  +, writes (29 January 2008):
 No matter how smart you are...There will always be someone smarter than you.
No matter how pretty you are...There will always be someone prettier than you.
No matter how talented you may be... there will always be someone with even MORE talent.
No matter how Rich someone may be, there is always someone who is richer.
If you compare yourself with other people all the time, you will always be insecure. Stop. Accept yourself for who you are. We all have something that someone else wishes that they had. We all have our own special talents and gifts.
Look at yourself as a whole, and realize what there is about you that is special.
Your boyfriend thinks that you are beautiful and sexy. You are a lot prettier than you think. Or else, why would he be with you? :) Relax, and make peace within yourself.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2008): Honey, I know exactly how you feel. As will probably a lot of girls.
I know it's not good to generalize people, but I think there are 3 types of girls.
1) Girls that know they're pretty, and flaunt it too much.
2) Girls that know they're pretty, but don't make an effort to show off their best assets.
And 3) Girls that know they're pretty, but compare themselves way too much.
Which one do you think you fall into? Because I can tell you this for sure, you aren't ugly. Everyone is made differently and as they say, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
It's the same with phobias - they are environmental, and are 'taught' in a sense. People in adverts and magazines tell you what beauty is - and people believe it! Hey, I'm not blaming you or anything, because I believe it too. Girls can't help but believe it. But beauty doesn't have to be thin girls, with big breasts and long, blonde hair. Beauty isn't porn, or playboy bunnies. It's all totally commercial, and in a way, fake.
It's natural to feel bad about the way you appear at times, for some people this feeling is more often. But what works for me is, if I'm feeling ugly, think about the way I look. And instead of comparing it to someone prettier, compare it to someone you WOULDN'T want to look like. I'm sure you know somebody you wouldn't want to look like. I'm sure everybody does. I know somebody. It may sound mean, but it can make you feel so much better in time.
Try not to look down at yourself. Think, I'm a curvy, beautiful woman. I'm not flat chested. And to be honest, guys love breasts. They make this obvious enough. Be thankful for all the good assets you have about yourself, and maybe try a different foundation, and make more of an effort in general with make up. Wear clothes that can show off your figure - but obviously not in a tarty way. Show people what a great personality you have too, and have confidence in yourself.
If you have confidence, this will show! I guarentee.
And as you say, you have a boyfriend. He obviously loves you a lot from what I've read, and you're lucky to have him. He seems devoted to you, and if he found other girls attractive over you so much, he probably wouldn't be with you. Yet, he is with you. This is what matters. If he's had those girls in the past, nothing's stopping him having them now. But he has YOU. You're the one he loves, and is attracted to.
So have confidence in yourself, because everybody feels this way at times, but don't let the past get to you. Tomorrow is a new day, it is unplanned, anything can happen. So go out there and show them what you're made of!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2008): You poor thing! I feel for you truly i do as i have experienced every nagging insecurity that you have mentioned and know how hard it is to get over them. You seem like a really level headed person and i am sure you appreciated that you boyfriend does love you a lot.
As for some practical advice perhaps there are some steps you can take to be pro active it getting your apperance the way you would like it to be.
You obviously don't need to lose weight as you say you have a normal BMI but what about some exercise to help you tone and firm up your body that way you might feel a little better about the 'flabby' bits as you called them?
Also you could have some fun experimenting with clothes, make up, hair etc to re - invent yourself. Ask your sister or some of your friends to help you with a whole new make over you may find a new style that really suits you or maybe after trying out some new looks you may decide you looked pretty cool in the first place?
What im trying to say is you know you are a great person, be proud of who you are. Trying the steps mentioned above are just a way of you taking control of your life so you can live it the way you want to. As hard as it can be sometimes believe in yourself, compliment others for their good points and i'll bet you'll be surprised as to how many good points they find in you too.
I wish you all the happiness in the world.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2008): I feel EXACTLY the same way as you! And I still don't know what to do about it.
it sounds like you can't accept compliments rather than that you recieve none, as your boyfriend has given you amazing comp,liments.
you must be beautiful not only on the outside but on the inside if your boyfriend says that.
Also, if you are p[retty but not stunning, then you know your guy is with you for you, not for your tits etc.
I think that in order to feel beautiful you dont need compliments from anyone else, you need them from yourself.
get your hair done really nicely, buy a really nice outfit and feel really good about yourself. :)
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A
male
reader, Asexy +, writes (29 January 2008):
 (1) Don't judge yourself by others -- you don't realize it, but that model in the magazine has a bad body image too. She'll look at herself and see flaws. We are made such that we each see our every flaw, but we don't see the others' flaws because we're too focused on our own. It's like that for everyone, so don't be thinking that EVERYONE can see yours, because they're not looking, believe me.
(2) Your bf thinks you're beautiful. Don't say that he's wrong because that's telling him he has bad taste. He sees something in you that really appeals to him. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and to him, you've got it in spades. His former GFs may look more beautiful TO YOU, but not to him. BELIEVE HIM.
(3) Find something active to be good at. Play a sport. Take a dance class or a painting class. Join a hobby -- anything that you can do, have fun, and become confident at. Bonus points if it's with other people. This will build your self-confidence, and I've got a secret for you: confidence is SEXY. Someone who holds her head up and shoulders back and has a sparkle in her eye is MUCH more beautiful than a woman with perfect breasts. Seriously.
Please believe me.
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A
female
reader, AuntieAmber  +, writes (29 January 2008):
 hey anonomous female...
To get over your body issues,,,you just have to learn to be happy and confident with the way you look,it seems like you are,cos your not saying what some women say...like OHH IM SOOO FAT !...so well done for being like that :D
...go out and treat yourself to some new clothes and makeup...and then go out in all your new stuff,and enjoy yourself !!!!
good luck,
amber xxxx
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