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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: How can I get over a guy who doesn't love me?He broke up with me a week ago. Last wednesday we were so fine, he said he loved me, he said I was the love of his life. He wanted to marry me. But we had issues. He disliked my past, I for thw same reason lied about it several times, he abused me emotionally and verbally and held every little mistake against me. But he also made me feel loved. Only he was able to see the good in me, despite the fact that he insulted me and called me names.He was my first everything, my first love, boyfriend. We have a lot in common, the only reason this didn't work out was because I lied, because he had such anger issues and was so jealous and judgemental of my TAME past (everyone says it's tame).He made me feel so special. He made me shine. I really love him like crazy. I can't believe he said he doesn't love me anymore. When 10 days ago he wanted to marry me! He broke up with me a week ago because I revealed my last lies, the only two things I was still hiding from him.Now he says he doesn't love me. And he doesn't even care that I was crying on the phone begging for him to forgive me, promising that I'd change, crying and telling him I love him a thousand times...all he had to say: "I don't care!".He thinks it's ok to treat me like this... this is horrible. All the people that know me say that I have such a great heart. Yet my great heart can't make the man I love come back. I have never been loved before, he found me, he saw the beauty and good things in me and only when we had been together for like 6 months he started to get dissapointed but always promised me we'd get through anything... that the only thing he wouldn't tolerate would be cheating. And I didn't cheat. I lied. I understand I betrayed him and it was wrong, but still.I lost my best friend. I shared everything with him. I feel lost. And I can't see myself ithout me. It's unfair that I'm going through this, I gave him everything... I know I lied, but other than that, I made many sacrifices, I put up with his abuse, sometimes I went against my family's wishes just to please him, I cried a lot for him, I wrote a lot of poems and songs for him, gave him lots of gifts, supported him, treated him with love, I did everything he wanted I was always there for him... sure, I wasn't 100% honest, but other than that I did a lot of things for him! And yet this is what I get...Why am I hurting and not him? And how could it be that he gets so annoyed if I cry, how can he be so insensitive to just hung up on me because I'm crying over him?How can I stop loving him, please, how? I love him with all my heart and would take him back any minute. How can I feel better?
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best friend, broke up, jealous Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2008): Oh yea I forgot this one. It's my favourite and got all the aunts and uncles in a tizzy. When I read this I thought of your ex.http://www.dearcupid.org/question/she-is-amazing-but-her-past-puts-me.html
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2008): Yes missy .... I remember you, glad to see things have improved with you. Sorry about the pain, and yes I know how bad it feels, but you can endure and it will pass and things will get much, much better.
I've got something interesting for you to do with your time, I think the following posts might help you with the pain your feeling.
Number One: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/sex-with-67-men-in-the-past-is.html
Number Two: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/warning-signs-youre-dating-a-loser.html
Number Three: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-to-get-over-your-ex.html
Good luck and keep in touch. We're in your corner and wishing you well.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (23 May 2008):
 Hi,
nothing is really going to heal the hurt you are feeling in the short term. But in the long term you will see this for what it is - an escape.
Just look at all the other posts like yours on this site. They could all be written by the same person they are so alike. You see, nice girls like you meet this type of man who will initially sweep you off your feet but then as time passes they start to bring out all their fucked up shit inside their heads . So they blame it on you, you are a slut because you werent a virgin when he started dating you, or you are untrustworthy because you choose not to tell him every last thing about your past.
You have to be very careful in the future, take the advice of your friends and family when you meet a new guy. If they think he is just like your last one then break off and reassess what you see in men. I say this because controlling men seem to gravitate towards a particular personality type - compliant, eager to please, loving and loyal girls - then they twist it all around to make you feel that you are not worthy of them.
Count your lucky stars you are rid of him, and pray that he doesnt try and come back into your life. You will heal eventually and the heartache will go away - good luck.
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