A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:HOW TO GET OVER A BREAK-UP? it's second time i 'm breaking up wth my bf and it's always me. he loves me and treats me good. he's everything that i ever dream of (charming,romantic,good looking, good career etc..i believe my big issue is that i ve low selfsteem. i don't appreciat everything he's doing for me and i feel bad about it. first time, he left me bcos he had to go for job abroad for 6-11 months. therefore i couldn't support long-distance relationship (jealousy and stuff) and i decided to stop seeing one another.he was shocked at the beginning but he respected my decision. later on (1year) i came back to him because i though that i did a mistake and he felt the same. we lived together for 6 months.he mentioned to me at the beginning of our relationship that he loves me and want to marry me but i asked him to give us a time. after the break i felt like i love him more . my bf changed a lot..he argued for no reason, shout and don't return my calls etc... he is always busy and said to me once that his career 's more important than me. he called me crazy as well. 2 days ago i left him and i believe there's no HOPE.after 48 hours i cannot stop thinking about him. i cry a lot and top of that i believe is all my fault...i also believe that i made wrong decisions all my life. PLEASE help, i need your advice .
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male
reader, rcn  +, writes (8 September 2007):
 who doesn't make some wrong decisions. i know i'm the king of wrong decisions. First the "Self Esteem" Work on that. It takes quite a while and consistent work, but can be done. Next how can you appreciate if you don't feel as if you deserve. But in this case it's not your choice. him doing everything for you is his choice not yours. he's showing you how he feels about you, and those actions don't consider how you feel about yourself, and shouldn't. If he says his career is more important is may be he feels appreciated at work, where you're having trouble showing him that at home.
A
female
reader, broken babe +, writes (8 September 2007):
 no real man wants to see his girl sad they want you to be happy they want you to know your beautiful to them and they want to be the ones to make you smile but thats besides the point you need to do the same for them!!!! ok men when they get stressed they get stressed my boyfriend got hella moody and annoyed just because of school ok so is he havin trouble at work? i dont know if youve done this but you just need toget ahold of him and hold him in your arms let him take a second to breathe e calm around him that sort of thing if the break up doesnt feel right you should try and work it out truly if a break up really bothers you you need to try again and then if not think about all the reasons behind why ok sorry that might not have helped but well ya
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A
male
reader, Dr. John +, writes (8 September 2007):
 Regardless of the situation, a break up is always hard to deal with. It may be that you will never be able to be with him but the pain, although intense now, will gradually and eventually subside. You also indicate you think it may all be your fault. If this is the case you may have to do a self assessment of yourself and see where the problem lies. Be honest because if you are not then you can't get to the bottom of the problem. It may even take talking to a councilor to get an objective viewpoint.I hope this helps. Doc.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2007): Well I think it is good that you acknowledge what went wrong. You seem to think it is your self esteem and there is probably a lot of truth to that. Well it sounds like your bf is very angry with you. He tried hard to be with you and even forgave you after being apart from you for so long. And when you guys got back together you needed space again. You have to understand that he probably just doesn't trust you anymore and doesn't want to be hurt anymore by you. He feels like you walked all over him so now he is being strong and is trying to keep his distance. Can you blame him?That happens sometimes when you don't treat people with the same love that they are giving you. They reach a point where they are fed up and give up on you. I don't know if you can change the way he feels about your relationship at this point but you CAN change the way you treat these situations in the future. I would just let him go and work on yourself, instead. If you just run back to him all of this is probably going to repeat itself and things will never get better. To work on your self esteem you should try to do things that make you happy and make you feel like you have self worth. Maybe you could get a good job. Workout and get in good shape. Make new friends. Get involved in stuff that interests you. Start becoming happy and confident. Once you feel fulfilled, you will be a much better girlfriend and maybe you two could work things out again.
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