A
female
age
30-35,
*weet_innocence
writes:For just over 4 years I was single. 100% single, no flings, no one night pulls, nothing. But in my 2nd year of uni I met someone from out of uni, and we started seing eachother, but i never wanted to make it official because of a previous relationship now just over 5 years ago which ended disastrously, leaving me having to go through a long procedure involving the police, etc and i finally managed to get a restraining order just last year after years of hell!! At the time, this guy really wanted to be with me. He was always there for me and sprinkled me with affection, love and i had never felt so safe I could literally rely on him for everything and anything! He was the first guys I had ever been physical with, let alone slept with. After i obtained my restraining order, i became less cold and more affectionate to him and told him that i wanted to be official..he was over the moon and we were together..everything was perfect.he did everything and anything for me.he tld me about his exes and he knew about my past. I was at his in november 2010 (a month after we had made It official and I had won my restraining order)and saw his fone ring.it read the name of his ex girlfriend. On questioning, he passed it off as her being obsessive and still wanting to get back with him. A sense of doubt led me to go upstairs and did a little investigating of my own and on speaking to her, everything was revelead! to summarise, them two had never broken up and after being single for 3 years after my pyschotic ex, i had let my guard down for the wrong person…he never even broke up with her! They had been together for three years!..i was deeply, madly in love with him so..even after that..she left him and… I pathetically took him back only to find that although he wasnt physically cheating on me, he was still talking to another girl that he knew liked him. i confrunted him about it and he managed to convince me that i was being a pyschotic obsessive b*tch!..i became this vulnerable mess which he took advantage of and thrived in making me worse.. on occasions he'd force me to sleep with him and there was little I could do as while my parents were downstairs. Im 21, a part time model and student studying pharmacy. there is no shortage of options for me but I can’t let ago of him. He slept with me 2 weeks ago and then i went through his fone to find that he was still talking to the other girl that he knew liked him and when i confrunted him about it he flipped out and retrieved all these hidden messages and told me he had another fone that other girls used to call him on and said that "i couldn’t be innocent forever. He saw me, he wanted me, he got me." and said that the fact that i was a virgin was only a challenge to him.. and then he walked out. Not a single call, text or anything. I have never felt so low or down, used and pathetic. I have always been headstrong and confident, but always respected myself and what had happened in the past had only enabled me to grow stronger…but I cant build from here, let alone walk ro think straight. I haven’t been to uni in the past week, I know its wrong but I cant help it. Ive missed 3 fotoshoots in a row and have just been fired. I had an exam a week ago which ive failed and im in a dark and messy place and don’t know hw to pick my self up. It was always me mending the broken hearts n telling friends to build a bridge and get over it and that thers plenty more fish in the sea.. iv always been the strong one.. but its a lot easier said than done! since my first ex, I never let myself get emotionally attached let alone let any one close to me.. up until him of course.. and now.. i don’t know where the light is. How do I get out of this horrible place?! I feel alone and lifeless. Everything has fallen apart.. i have gone from this sweet, happy nice girl.. to this bitter dark mess with the foul mouth of a witch. Iv driven everyone around me away.. including frends.. and they don’t even no about ANY of the recent events.. HELP..please!!!!!!!
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broke up, ex girlfriend, his ex, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2011): You're very welcome- I'm so glad that we helped and that you are feeling better. That is great that you will focus on your school for this last year. Best of luck with everything! Take care.
A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (30 January 2011):
 its lovely to hear back from you again and hear that you feel much more positive. it would be great if you can come on here and help others, especially those that are in a similar situation to what you were. coming out of the other end of a bad situation in one piece really empowers you and makes you wonder HOW you tolerated that person and all the sh!t they dished to you doesn't it?
stay positive, stick with your mates and be happy:)
xx
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A
female
reader, Sweet_innocence +, writes (30 January 2011):
Sweet_innocence is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just wanted to say thankyou sooo muhc to you guys for the advice!! its really helped!!! iv sorted myself out...i spoke to my friends who have been very supportive and iv given up the modelling. Im in final year of uni and thats what i want to be focussing all my energy on now!
As for that prick, he is history!!! and the restraining order against my first boyfriend still stands SO in a sense im free!! So things are looking bright... WHAT DOESNT KILL YOU ONLY MAKES YOU STRONGER !!
its amazing to think that people like you guys exist..its amazing how much uv helped...i was on the verge of self-destruction adn didnt know where to turn! I wont be comming on here (or so i hope) for myself, but prehaps to help others...all the best :) AND THANKS AGAINN you have no idea how much youv helped me!!!!
x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2011): First, I'm sorry this happened. Don't blame yourself.
“i confronted him about it and he managed to convince me that i was being a pyschotic obsessive b*tch!”
This seems to be a common thing said by men who do this sort of thing, they try to divert attention and turn their own bad behavior back on you- NEVER fall for that.
“But its a lot easier said than done!” This is very true.
You need to not let this poor excuse for a human being ruin your life. Because that is what he is trying to do. He is an unhappy person and he saw that you are a good person who is going somewhere. Don't let him take away the good in you!
Contact your friends and explain to them what happened, I'm sure if you've supported them, they will be there for you too. Speak to your parents about this, I'm sure they will offer you support also.
I hope you've stopped all contact with him for good, if you haven't do it now. Change your phone number/email etc.
You might want to get counseling to get out of the funk. Try taking some vitamins or supplements to help boost your mood. Do aerobic exercise everyday, eat some comfort foods. Chocolate is a great natural anti depressant. Make sure you go to class. Go and speak to your professor about making up the exam or doing whatever you need to do to pass that class. Explain that you're having a personal crisis. Make sure you don't bail out on the next modeling job. I know you feel horrible at the moment, but you just have to force yourself to do things now. You can't give up.
Take care of yourself and forget about this loser. There are good people out there who would never do this to someone.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (23 January 2011):
hi
you have unfortunately met a player and him being the next man you put any trust in after your nasty ex, i understand how you feel. all you can do is keep telling yourself that the way these men treated you was NOT your fault. you were nice and happy and caring and they just didn't know a good thing when they found it because they are dicks. i am so glad that you have caught this latest man out, some girls would've believed every word of his and still be in the same sorry situation now.
it is a great quality that you have that enabled you to go for 4 years in between your nasty ex and meeting this one. it shows that you are not a desperate girl who will get with the first idiot that shows her attention.
i know you are upset at the moment, but you WILL get over it. i do not know what went on in the previous relationship that led you to getting a restraining order but i suspect you had not resolved your feelings about this, so you went into the new relationship feeling vulnerable already. i am sure that counselling will help you to come to terms with the events.
get back in touch with your friends, they owe it to you to listen to your problems just as you have listened to theirs. your friends will help you to be strong and you can arrange nice things to do together in the future, things to look forward make life seem a lot less dark
xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2011): it shall b ok.you need help.find someone qualified to talk to.
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