A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi I’ve been with my fiancé for 8 years we have a 4 year old daughter I have a 11 year old daughter from a previous relationship the problem is not a very good father he has never done any night Feeds or changed a nappy when she was a baby I have sorted nursery and school places out never missed a sports day or any opportunity to support my children I work 2 jobs one when my daughters are at school and one on a evening he’s at work at 9 till 3 the only thing he does is bath our 4 year old I get home from work and put her to bed cos she won’t settle for him he gets stressed with her I work 3 and a Half hours on a evening I get home and he’s in mood today he has admitted he cannot be bothered taking them to the park or anything I have tried to explain to him that they grow up so quick and they need memories to remember when they are grown up and that they will not have any with him my question is how do I get him to be a better dad do I keep on trying or do I just give up and move on cos I don’t know how much more I can take anymore thank you for any answers
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2019): Thanks for the follow up. Put my mind at rest.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2019): Hi no it’s nothing like that he cannot put her to bed because he cannot settle her down he sometimes tries to get out of bathing her even but he has to because by the time I get home from work it is 8.45 so by the time I bath her and wash her hair she wouldn’t get to bed until at least 9.30 once her hair had dried that’s why he has to bath her so by the time I get home she is bathed and got pyjamas on ready for bed
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2019): I hate to say or even think what I'm about to say, but....why is the ONLY thing he will do is bath your 4 year old daughter?
My mind jumped to all kinds of conclusions when I read that. My first thought was is there any chance that he is getting something from it? Is that why he will do that one job?
Sorry to say that, but I felt it had to be said.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2019): I'm sorry OP, but I'll be blunt.
You decided to have TWO kids. One of which with a man for whom you knew was a bad parent, since he never paid attention to the kid from your previous relationship.
I don't know what you have expected? That he'll change once he has "his own" kid?
Well, you have tested this theory for 4 years and have come to the conclusions you shared with us.
If you are financially stable LEAVE as soon as you can. You are exposing your kids to bad parenting and a very unhealthy example of what relationships are.
You can not make someone be interested or like (their own) kids. With a help of a lawyer, however, you can make sure that they pay their child support, which is not only a responsible financial thing to do, but a very healthy decision for both you and your son.
And, what does it mean to be engaged for years and years without getting married? So he proposed, to give you an idea that you are a serious couple (or that his intentions are serious) and then...?
In France, there is a step between being someone's partner and a marriage - civil solidarity union. You go with your partner to a city council and you register as partners. But, it's still far from the real marriage. I won't bore you with legal theory behind it, but people mostly use this to calm things down, when they do not won't to get married and they are with the partner who does. Almost none of these partnerships evolve into marriages. It is much easier to separate. Even with children, people can leave this union easily.
In a nutshell: you should leave (if you can).
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (24 July 2019):
 You cannot force your fiancé to be a better parent. The longer you stay in this situation the more you will be reinforcing the idea that this is what fathers are like for your 4 year old daughter.
If you are the person who has written about this situation several times before then I think you have wasted enough time wondering how to get him to step up.
Stop wasting time on him and go get yourself some professional counselling. If your GP is unable to recommend a counsellor then try your local community centre.
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