A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:A guy I've known over the years went through a split up with his wife. He was staying at my brothers house but it was crowded there so i told him he could stay with me. I just so happened to be searching for a roommate to help out. It wasn't long before we realized how great we'd be together and the relationship happened fast. It's been 5 months and we're now fixing up another house for my land lord in exchange for cheap bills. He has 2 kids with his wife. Shes known around my home town for sleeping around with guys and going in and out of jail and drug issues. Hes a mellow guy, against drugs, and i can see where a personality like his could quickly become a doormat with a chick like her. Shes awful. Shes been using hard drugs, pawning her kids toys off, stealing from him and trashing the house over the last year of their relationship. She never worked, but whenever he gets a new place for him and the kids, he lets her move in, then over time she becomes unbearable and violent and throws him out with the kids etc. Shes even threatened his mom and cornered her etc, but the lady is the sweetest, on top of heart issues. The wife is a hot mess. Despite his insistence that he's wanted full custody of his kids, and even a restraining order, he still has yet to file anything. She's in jail for 6 months now for a wave of crazy behavior, and it seems too easy for him to go get custody, thus also making a divorce easier as well. He says he wants to spend his life with me and has helped so much around these projects that are paying our bills to do. I feel like its me that's pushing the divorce and that hes not sure about it. Should i give him some sort of ultimatum? In the heat of a small argument he said hed rather be arguing with her. But his kids say he has to hold her down and beg her not to hit him etc and when I'm upset im just quiet and to the point so that offends me. He insists he didnt mean it that way.
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female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (27 July 2019):
He is a married man and the whole family situation is in a dreadful mess.What an unhappy situation for his children.Let him decide what he wants..he sounds like he does not know what he wants ..so give him all the space and time...also be aware he may not want to end it with his wife.MOVE OUT AND END IT...and find a man that is free to love and respect you.It is not wise to live in the shadow of a ..married man with kids..Start fresh and enjoy your life.Kind regards NORA B.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 July 2019):
 I am generally not a fan of ultimatums mostly because when people MAKE them they don't really think they might HAVE to follow though and it leave an ultimatum useless.
You shouldn't HAVE to push for him to divorce her.
You should however consider that he might not be READY to do so and if he isn't READY to LEGALLY end it with her... is he really ready for a serious relationship with you?
I would suggest that me moves out of your home, for starters.
And then you DECIDE if you want to date a married man or not. Because THAT is what he is, until the divorce is final.
And if he DOES divorce her, SHE will ALWAYS be part of his life through the kids, regardless of having custody or not.
I would also take his "I'd rather fight with her" as a hint that he isn't totally over her. Which is really sad considering the kids have watched all this drama unfold and HE isn't protecting them better.
Personally... I'd end it. Walk away. He needs to sort out his life and take responsibility for those kids and HIS choices.
Not your monkey, not your circus.
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