A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Normally I try and always have a positive attitude towards things, and for a long time I kept up my positive way of attacking this problem, but lately I've completely lost my optimism, I'm almost heading towards bitterness and I don't want that at my age so I need some help! ALL men I meet - nice ones, shy, sweet ones, smart, cocky, funny or players - like me for the way I look. I have never felt confident that a guy really cared about who I was inside, like they saw me for who I am. So of course my relationships don't last because once they've tried to be what they think I want for a while, then it all falls apart. I've also started to feel like there's nothing special about me, because all people really know about me (apart from my family) is superficial stuff. I've never had a male friend...I've thought I did, but as soon as I start dating someone else they don't want to be my friend anymore. And I don't have many female friends because they start to feel bad about themselves when they see how often guys turn to look at me. I think our society puts too much importance on looks and I can't understand why people think it would be so wonderful to be good looking. I'm jealous of the people I know who have wonderful men who love them for who they are and are faithful to them and have someone to share themselves with. Is there anything I can do to a) get my optimism back, because I know I'll never find what I want if I don't believe I will and b) how can I go about getting what I want?
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2009): Personally and this is just my view but I've found that a lot of Australian guys seem to be just they way you describe it OP. Then again guys like that exist everywhere. My mom didn't meet someone until she was in her early 30's. And this person proved in time that he loved her for who she was, and was always there for her and cared deeply for her. And my mom is someone who, just like you, had an Optimistic look on life. To me that was amazing because most guys treated her bad, and she lived a poor life, working hard just to pay rent. She remained optimistic and sure enough she found someone. It wasn't easy for her to decide to be with this guy because by then, she had a very big wall. But the guy that loved her kept visiting her. My mom looked herself in the mirror and ask if she should rly give it another try. She then said careful the one you push away could be the one who would be there for you. She took the chance and she's still with him to this day. Basically, you have to be patient, despite the many downfalls or disappointments. Someday you will meet a guy that clicks on your level. I guess try dating sites and see if you can connect with someone that way. You control the way people see you so give that a try. keep being yourself and don't change. Good luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2009): not all beautiful people are islands...floating alone in the empty sea. i know a particularly beautiful girl who has many female and male (platonic friends)--truly, she is beautiful, model beautiful. she is stalked or rejected by some for her beauty, but she knows when to open her eyes and heart to people who are truly friends no matter her appearance.secondly, maybe part of your problem is that you are afraid of not being special. you are and you are not special. no one is exactly like you, but there is no way that you somehow surpass everyone in the being special department. to believe that you can somehow be truly 'special' all the time, you have to be somewhat pretentious and convoluted.thirdly, even if you 'believe' that you will get what you believe you will get, does not guarantee that you will actually ever get what you want. you are getting bitter because you are realizing the truth-that one does not always get their way, even if they are trying to will it into 'reality.' often one gets what they 'want' when they are least thinking about it. have you always in the past 'believed' that you would have successful relationships, and in reality, have you truly had that? probably not. it's not so easy as 'believing is becoming'...yeah, so i'm Jesus...does that make me Jesus? ...I will become a successful restaurant owner...does that really mean the business will not fail? not everything can be controlled on a personal level, purely by individual will alone. look at natural disasters. economic collapse, war, your beauty...did you choose these things? no. will they effect your life no matter how 'positive' you are? yes. what will be the outcome if you keep believing that being positive and not realistic will yeild the results you expect? you will eventually become pessimistic, because your 'positive' way of approaching life does not actually make it all that easy to be alive, and you will get involved in matters that perhaps you should not be because you are overly optimistic--or conversely-- you will avoid, because of your preconcieved notions of how things should be, and not how they are, people and situations that may work best with who you are.sometimes life is chaos and sometimes failure and pain are a part of learning. sorry, but that's the truth. just live your life and try to be true to yourself and accept your faults and strengths. stop trying to live with the idea of how life 'should' be, and go more with how it is. that's all you can do and there's no true way to ultimately control what you will or will not be given in this life.
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