A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I can’t stand being the man of the house or the mother hen anymore. I just can’t! I’m tired of working and making more money than my husband. I pay the bills, I do all the leagal stuff, I do the house work – I just don’t see my husband improving in anything. I’m so hurt and feel so much recentment towards him. I can’t help but feel that I deserve better. But then I think, who am I to think that? I don’t want to break things off, but I don’t even have kids after 7yrs of marriage. He works 40hrs/week and makes just a tad more than minimum wage, I work 40+hr/week and make more than some families make combined. I meet so many successful men and women I work with married to CEOs, Presidents, Directors - it bothers me. My husband’s friends all have better jobs and on top of that, they help their wives around the house with guy stuff. Like if the sink breaks they’ll fix it, unlike my husband he’ll call the home store to fix it. I’ve done most of the work around the house; he takes care of our dogs. I know his parents didn’t push him in school and they had their own issues and didn’t raise him to be successful. Now I wonder if I married him because I felt sorry for him and wanted to help him become someone. Everyone told me not to marry him because I was too good for him, and that would always upset me. I did know that we were of different status’ but now I know how it so affects me. He is drop dead gourgeous and if we have children they will be very beautiful, however, looks really are not everything! I know my husband isn’t dumb, he’s just lazy and if I tell him something it’s considered nagging. [Anyone relate?] I’m looking for a passion in him, and as of now I see it’s only the dogs and his karate thing. I do trust him 100% never to cheat on me because of our religious beliefs, but I wonder if I have to sacrifice everything for faithfulness. Advice greatly appreciated!-Heart broken
View related questions:
I work with, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Edie1  +, writes (13 March 2011):
Im really sorry and I can relate to everything you are saying. I have the exact same problem. To make matters worse we even had a son in 2009 Dec.Anyway I also met a guy 7 years ago and we were at the university. We were born again Christians and I can honestly say I have never met a guy that loves me the way he does. The problem is he cant keep a job and I have the burden to provide for the family. When I give him money to start a business bse he says he is treated unfairly at his jobs that's why they fire him,he wastes it. Its so frustrating bse I feel like Im going to provide for the family forever. I even wonder how I'll put my son through school with my meagre salary. He doesnt seem to care and always runs to his mum for money when things get tough. I ts so annoying bse he doesnt want to take mature decisions without his mum's help.I know how you feel bse you feel guilty for wanting to leave him yet he hasnt done anything particularly wrong and you fear that people may say that you are money minded. But the truth is, a marriage with the woman providing sucks. Every woman dreams that her husband will take care of her and provide for her and when that doesnt happen, we get tired. You are lucky you dont have a child and I would advise you to leave bse I left and even though I feel soory for my son bse he wont see his dad very often, Im happy with the decision I made because someone like that will only bring you down too and you dont need that. God will bless you with a better mate who will be the man you want. Remember a man's worth is measured by his ability to provide for his family and not his good looks because you arent going to eat his good looks and pay the bills with his good looks. Make the wise decision. Move on before it gets complicated and you get a child because then leaving will be harder. Trust me, he is never going to change. He is comfortable because he knows that you take care of business and he doesnt have to worry about anything. Im sorry but that's the truth. Dont let the guilt that society puts on you make you live a miserable life bse at the end of the day you are the one struggling with the bills and the domestic work.He isnt worth it and you deserve better. You may even be forced to cheat bse you are looking for a man who is worth it. Why let yourself go when there is a simple solution. Move on and find what makes you happy. Life is short and you cant keep sacrificing yourself for someone who probably wouldnt do the same for you if he was in your position. Do you think that if you were lazy and he is the one who was working hard that he would stay with you? Think abt it. Im sorry to overwhelm you. Its just that I made the same mistake you are making and Im paying dearly for it. If I had walked away a few years ago, I wouldnt be regretting. I dont want you to make the same mistake.
A
female
reader, Edie1 +, writes (13 March 2011):
Im really sorry and I can relate to everything you are saying. I have the exact same problem. To make matters worse we even had a son in 2009 Dec.Anyway I also met a guy 7 years ago and we were at the university. We were born again Christians and I can honestly say I have never met a guy that loves me the way he does. The problem is he cant keep a job and I have the burden to provide for the family. When I give him money to start a business bse he says he is treated unfairly at his jobs that's why they fire him,he wastes it. Its so frustrating bse I feel like Im going to provide for the family forever. I even wonder how I'll put my son through school with my meagre salary. He doesnt seem to care and always runs to his mum for money when things get tough. I ts so annoying bse he doesnt want to take mature decisions without his mum's help.I know how you feel bse you feel guilty for wanting to leave him yet he hasnt done anything particularly wrong and you fear that people may say that you are money minded. But the truth is, a marriage with the woman providing sucks. Every woman dreams that her husband will take care of her and provide for her and when that doesnt happen, we get tired. You are lucky you dont have a child and I would advise you to leave bse I left and even though I feel soory for my son bse he wont see his dad very often, Im happy with the decision I made because someone like that will only bring you down too and you dont need that. God will bless you with a better mate who will be the man you want. Remember a man's worth is measured by his ability to provide for his family and not his good looks because you arent going to eat his good looks and pay the bills with his good looks. Make the wise decision. Move on before it gets complicated and you get a child because then leaving will be harder. Trust me, he is never going to change. He is comfortable because he knows that you take care of business and he doesnt have to worry about anything. Im sorry but that's the truth. Dont let the guilt that society puts on you make you live a miserable life bse at the end of the day you are the one struggling with the bills and the domestic work.He isnt worth it and you deserve better. You may even be forced to cheat bse you are looking for a man who is worth it. Why let yourself go when there is a simple solution. Move on and find what makes you happy. Life is short and you can keep sacrificing yourself for someone who probably wouldnt do the same for you if he was in your position. Do you think that if you were lazy and he is the one who was working hard that he would stay with you? Think abt it. Im sorry to overwhelm you. Its just that I made the same mistake you are making and Im paying dearly for it. If I had walked away a few years ago, I wouldnt be regretting. I dont want you to make the same mistake.
...............................
A
female
reader, Edie1 +, writes (13 March 2011):
Im really sorry and I can relate to everything you are saying. I have the exact same problem. To make matters worse we even had a son in 2009 Dec.Anyway I also met a guy 7 years ago and we were at the university. We were born again Christians and I can honestly say I have never met a guy that loves me the way he does. The problem is he cant keep a job and I have the burden to provide for the family. When I give him money to start a business bse he says he is treated unfairly at his jobs that's why they fire him,he wastes it. Its so frustrating bse I feel like Im going to provide for the family forever. I even wonder how I'll put my son through school with my meagre salary. He doesnt seem to care and always runs to his mum for money when things get tough. I ts so annoying bse he doesnt want to take mature decisions without his mum's help.I know how you feel bse you feel guilty for wanting to leave him yet he hasnt done anything particularly wrong and you fear that people may say that you are money minded. But the truth is, a marriage with the woman providing sucks. Every woman dreams that her husband will take care of her and provide for her and when that doesnt happen, we get tired. You are lucky you dont have a child and I would advise you to leave bse I left and even though I feel soory for my son bse he wont see his dad very often, Im happy with the decision I made because someone like that will only bring you down too and you dont need that. God will bless you with a better mate who will be the man you want. Remember a man's worth is measured by his ability to provide for his family and not his good looks because you arent going to eat his good looks and pay the bills with his good looks. Make the wise decision. Move on before it gets complicated and you get a child because then leaving will be harder. Trust me, he is never going to change. He is comfortable because he knows that you take care of business and he doesnt have to worry about anything. Im sorry but that's the truth. Dont let the guilt that society puts on you make you live a miserable life bse at the end of the day you are the one struggling with the bills and the domestic work.He isnt worth it and you deserve better. You may even be forced to cheat bse you are looking for a man who is worth it. Why let yourself go when there is a simple solution. Move on and find what makes you happy. Life is short and you can keep sacrificing yourself for someone who probably wouldnt do the same for you if he was in your position. Do you think that if you were lazy and he is the one who was working hard that he would stay with you? Think abt it. Im sorry to overwhelm you. Its just that I made the same mistake you are making and Im paying dearly for it. If I had walked away a few years ago, I wouldnt be regretting. I dont want you to make the same mistake.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2007): Thank you DreamMaster i appreciate your reply. I think we'll just have to one of those modern families where the women works & the husband is the stay @ home dad. I don't like the idea too much (i feel i loose respect), but i know he might be a more dedcated parent. Throw a lil' prayer for me =) Thanks again!
...............................
A
male
reader, DreamMaster +, writes (21 March 2007):
 Hi,
It is going to be very difficult to teach this old dog new tricks…
You obviously married him for his looks and fitness, so at least he kept up his side of the bargain. Looks were obviously everything when you married him.
You thus have to take some responsibility for where you are now, but we’ll work on fixing it…
Because he seems so lethargic about house and family stuff – it is going to take something quite dramatic to shake him out of his comfort zone,
This starts with telling him how unhappy you are becoming in the marriage,
I don’t think it is a good idea to go on about your jobs – since he may just not be as successful as you. You are obviously quite a successful career woman and it might be unfair to judge him by your standards. Just accept that everyone is not going to be as smart as you (your partner included) – although your current surroundings are leading you to think that way…
But do tell him you are getting fed up just coasting through life doing all the work. He needs to start making more of an effort – you have a right to demand that from him.
The kids thing – well… I think if you did have kids – it’s quite obvious who will be looking after them – him. He will become the homemaker, while you go out to work.
I tend to think that people who take good care of their dogs will treat their kids in a similar fashion (not sure where I get it from, but I just think that way) – so I believe that he should actually be great with the kids, taking them places, playing with them, etc. He might leave the more responsible stuff to you (schooling etc).
But this might be what you want – and that is probably ok – but maybe do not have kids while you are resenting him - that will not make any problems go away – it just makes the situation more complicated if you are thinking of separating - but I don’t think that is what you want.
So I guess I am not sure which you want more – the kids, or him to get up off his ass, or both,
I don’t think he is going to be able to change much regarding work. He might help more around the house (if you put your case strongly enough to him). But I am reasonably sure he would be very happy for you to start a family with him looking after the kids.
So maybe that is the way to go, eventually.
Lots of stuff for you to think about!
Hope this helps,
...............................
|
