A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating my girlfriend for almost 2 years now.She's always had a little bit of an issue with communication but it's getting worse lately.When we do see each other, she is actually a great communicator, when we talk in person or on the phone she always has something to say and we both are able to get our feelings out.But when we are apart, she gets quiet and seems to have a really hard time with communicating with me. Sometimes we'll have plans to do something together, and she'll have something come up. She will either just flat out stand me up, or if she does let me know, she'll send a single text message that might not even be perfectly clear in its meaning and if I respond to it she doesn't respond at all. The issue seems to be more actually getting her to start communicating, like, sometimes she will blatantly ignore my phone calls or texts, for no good reason that I can discern. If I actually am lucky and do get her on the phone, we can talk for hours and everything is good. But other times, she will simply ignore me. I do believe some of this is related to family. Her family doesn't "approve" of me, for superficial reasons (I don't look super-attractive, I am not rich, etc. traditional silly family stuff) so she gets ridiculed a lot by her family regarding our relationship. So I sometimes will assume if she's not responding it means she is talking to or with family, but other times I know she's definitely not with family but she's still not responding to me. Aside from this, there's no other behavior to indicate that there is any foul play going on. She calls me her boyfriend publicly, she doesn't mind holding hands, things like that. Basically there's no indication she might be "cheating" other than that at times she doesn't respond to my communication. This alone to me isn't enough to warrant suspicion because whenever she does "disappear" she usually has a reason that sounds plausible enough.So what I really want to know is if I can help her get better at communicating to me. I am a reasonable person and I know things come up in life and sometimes dates won't work out and sometimes you're even too busy to talk on the phone. But I also don't think a short text conversation or even a five-minute phone call is asking too much. I also don't think that responding to my voicemail messages or Emails is asking too much. (Waiting till we see each other in person and acknowledging then doesn't count...)I'm not sure why she is having this problem (Which as I said is getting worse, it used to be a lot better) other than the issues with her family, but that doesn't explain all of the times she goes silent.Advice... please?
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female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (18 February 2013):
Well you sound a very fair. understanding boyfriend and should not be treated in such an unfair manner.I would suggest that you have a long indept chat with your girlfriend on a one to one. Explain to her how you feel and that her lack of reaction to texts. phone calls is upsetting you and listen careful to her reply.You cant get your girlfriend to communicate with UNLESS SHE WANTS TO.Best Luck Nora B.
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