A
female
age
36-40,
*7221987
writes:I am concerned about my sexual relationship with my boyfriend of over 2 years. For about the past year my boyfriend hardly ever in the mood to have sex with me and we only have sex when I initiate it and it makes me feel incredibly unattractive. I know that most people would think that he is cheating on me or something but I know for sure that is not happening. We had a daughter a little over a year ago and ever since her birth he has not wanted to have sex with me. He always slaps my butt and touches my breast but never wants to actually get intimate and this is so confusing. We have argued constantly about this and nothing seems to change. He says that it is not me but how could I really believe this? I LOVE sex, and I mean LOVE, but what am I supposed to do if my boyfriend is the total opposite? I love him and I know he loves me but this is driving me crazy…Please help…What do I do??? How can I get him to have sex with me?
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female
reader, korculan queen  +, writes (12 March 2008):
CONTROL. HE knows you love sex so he denies you that privelige. It is all about control. He says that it is not you yet he makes you feel unattractive and possibly unloveable through his ACTIONS. I was in a similar situation to you in that I am a horny woman and proud to be but my ex husband would have the ULTIMATE SAY ON WHEN IT HAPPENED. He knew I liked sex so WITHDREW IT. He would slap me on the butt but it never made me feel it was a sexy slap it was a degrading one. The behaviours you are describing are very symbolic of the cycle of violence. He denies you sex because he feels ENTITLED to. Instead of talking about it and being more intimate with you and sensitive to your feelings he WITHDRAWS AND BECOMES ABUSIVE and makes you feel guilty for your feelings as they do not fit with his POWER AND CONTROL over you. Do not have any more children with him as it will only get worse. I do not like being the bearer of bad news but it just makes me remember what my marriage was like. Tell me then how you are feeling now to how you felt before you met him. Has there been a significant change in your self esteem, self worth and happiness. Do you feel less confident in yourself now then what you did before? Does he make you feel as though now you have a child you are not sexy? This is coming from his core values and beliefs of women. Ok there is the woman who is seen as the sex object, ie single, attractive, nice body eager to please, good to go etc then there is the mother. He is now seeing you as a mother and has now depersonalised you into a role and not a person who is beautiful and attractive AND a mother. YES you can be beautiful and a mother and horny. There is nothing wrong with that. What is wrong is his view. His perception. I wonder what he was like towards you when you were pregnant. Did he make you feel lazy or make arguements or comments about being the only one in the house bringing money in? Was there a defining moment for you when you felt his behaviour CHANGE? The longer you stay with him the lower will be your self esteem. I would get some counselling or at least talk to a domestic violence worker. A good site to go to would be cairns regional dv service. Google it and look at the cycle of violence and the power and control wheel and post a reply and let me know if any of this rings true for you. Take care you are a beautiful woman worthy of love and RESPECT.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (12 March 2008):
Men are odd things. It could be any number of reasons. Perhaps he's stopped seeing you as his sexy girl and now sees you as a Mummy. I assume it was good to start with in the bedroom? If it was, then remind him what a hot young thing you are... Get a baby sitter and go out on dates with him. Dress sexy, make lots of effort and if things go well then hire a hotel room somewhere. BUT if it doesn't happen then just cuddle up and tell him you love him. Work up to it.If it was not a sex fest to start with then he may just not have a high sex drive.The one thing you are doing wrong is arguing about it - pressure is not a seductive thing. Back off and then rather than demanding it from him, gently let him see what he is missing.Good Luck x
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (12 March 2008):
 Get him to exercise for a fitter and leaner person and he will find sex more interesting.
Man are virtual creatures, dress less and show more .
This is a good site with lots of info's here,
http://web4health.info/en/answers/sex-menu.htm
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