A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm dating a guy for almost a year and he isn't the romantic type. He's said he's not a mushy type about 6 months in so I pulled back a lot and decided to move on. After two weeks apart he texted me and called wanted to try again. Still the same no hand-holding, no 'I love you' yet. He says I like you a lot but can't express any romantic expression. I'm not getting any younger so I moved on again but he keeps calling saying he misses me, misses my kisses and my jokes, but nothing on how he feels romantically. What do I do? I need romance, hand- holding and cuddling, and for him to open up on how he feels. What do I do?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 June 2017):
 You accept that is not who he is and you block him from calling you.
A
female
reader, jls022  +, writes (24 June 2017):
I always find questions like this interesting. I'm generalising here, but they most commonly come from women and often the poster is told to get over it/accept that her partner isn't romantic and it's not fair to ask him to change. Yet when we get posts (most commonly) from men who are upset that their partners are less sexual than they are, people often suggest that his partner should try to compromise/find other ways to satisfy her man as sex is a need that only a partner can provide (assuming you are in a standard, monogamous relationship that is). However I'd argue that romance also falls under that category, so I don't see how it's any different?
So for that reason OP, if you want to give him another chance, I suggest you explain it like that. Put it in words he's likely to understand and see if that makes a difference. I wouldn't expect him to turn into Romeo overnight or anything, but I don't think it's asking too much to ask him to make a few small changes to meet your needs the same way (I assume, based on the fact he wants you back) you do your best to meet his.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 June 2017):
 You accept who he is. He isn't going to change FOR you because YOU want him to.
THIS is who he is. Unromantic and not at all interested in talking about feelings.
I think I have rocks in my garden that are more romantic than my husband. He DID do sweet things during out courtship and VERY rarely in the last 20 years of marriage but I am fine with that. I don't think romantic "gestures" is a sign of HOW much another person cares. EACH person is different. People show love in different ways. In that respect, my husband and I are a good match. You and this guy... are not.
He isn't compatible with you. He can't fulfill those needs.
CUT him lose, wish him well, and BLOCK his number and then MOVE on. OR you can waste more time hoping he will "magically" be the guy you want him to be.
Think about it, the REASON you broke up was you weren't getting certain needs fulfilled by him - THAT hasn't changed. Because HE hasn't changed.
Why settle for less that what you really want? Because he keeps calling?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2017): It's difficult this situation, I know because I have a partner who is exactly like this. What you need to do is weigh up how well he treats you and go from there.
Put it this way, my partner is not affectionate at all as I said but shows his love in other ways such as doing kind things for me, helping me out, fixing things. Etc. Does you boyfriend do the same sort of things?
I think no matter how much you ask and plead, these kinds of guys are just not affectionate, it isn't in them so they'll never change.
You have to weigh up if this is what you want. I think you also have to be true to yourself and when he is being very distant, just tell him you need a little more affection. If you are honest, he'll appreciate that.
Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, NORA B +, writes (22 June 2017):
The situation is not every man is romantic...and he seems from your letter Not to be romantic...that is just the way he is...he cannot help it.Move on and find a warm,loving ,romantic man,otherwise you will be very unhappy and he will not understand what is wrong.Time waits for no man,and as you stated you are not getting any younger...so would not be a good idea to waste your time on someone who will not meet your needs at the romantic level.Best wishes.NORA B.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (22 June 2017):
 He is opening up by telling you he misses you, your kisses, your jokes, etc.
That said, just cut it off. Block him. You can't make someone be something they're not.
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