A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm small for my age. I'm 17 and about 5ft 1. I've got a boyfriend at the minute but I have also had a few other boyfriends. When I was with past boyfriends because I'm small, they'd pick me up and to be honest I quite liked it. They'd be able to hold me up against a wall which my current boyfriend can't do. I dunno what it was that I liked about it but I just did.My current boyfriend who is 18 is reallyyyy skinny and cannot pick me up. He's tried and I could tell he struggled so I just laughed and told him to put me down. Being with my current boyfriend makes me feel fat because he is so skinny himself and he always comments on mine and his weight. I'm not huge, but I'm not a stick thin girl. I don't know why this is getting me down so much but I feel like the man in the relationship. I never sit on his knee in case it hurts him or something. He never does anything first, its always me asking or saying what I'd like and trying different things. I'd just like him to take control really and... man up I guess. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2010): I don't think it is right for you to urge him to change himself, if you are otherwise contented in your relationship. Every relationship's dynamics are different and perhaps you should try to appreciate more your own's uniqueness, all the great ways in which it differs from other relationships you've experienced.
If he too is less satisfied by his physicality and he feels as unmanly as you do unfeminine when the two of you are together, you could always encourage going to the gym (perhaps together)... lifting weights and packing the protein could do a lot to build his strength. It is a classic sort of thing.. the pairing of a man who is greater physically than his lady, and therefore comes off as more dominant... but it is not necessary to follow that model, and many do not. Many do, though, and if that is what you with all your soul would prefer and be satisfied by, his building of strength and/or your losing of body weight would be the only way to go about that.
Just don't judge your relationship on superficial things.
-Tante Victoire
A
female
reader, breanaka  +, writes (14 December 2010):
There isn't much you can do about him being skinnier than you... That's just something you might have to live with, and I do know it sucks (I've had a couple exes that were unbelievably skinny, as well). But I would tell him that his weight comments aren't exactly appreciated.
As for getting him to "man up," it's all dependent on personality, but try making him feel a little more confident. Whenever he does suggest something, be enthusiastic about it. Tell him what a great idea it is, and maybe he'll have a little more confidence about his ideas in the future.
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