A
female
age
30-35,
*eXylOvE12
writes:My guy tends to be sexually submissive. How do i get him to come out of his shell and man handle me? I've tried telling him enough that won't hurt his ego, but I don't know what more there is for me to do or say. Help! How can I get him to be aggressive? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (4 April 2010):
 No one just knows these things. Experience is no guarantee even, because of the wide range of desires and preferences. You think of it as training, but what it really is is communicating. Role playing is communicating as well. The reason you can't see him doing it is because you have no experience with him letting down his inhibitions. It i s likely that he doesn't feel comfortable enough with you for that , YET.
Meanwhile keep up the good work you are doing with him now. communication is healthy for relationships. Ant the methods you are learning will help in other relationships ie. work or children.
FA
A
female
reader, SeXylOvE12 +, writes (4 April 2010):
SeXylOvE12 is verified as being by the original poster of the question We've been together for 6 months. And no, I wouldn't consider myself delicate or fragile lol. We've talked about it a little bit and he's starting to come out of his shell. It's slowly, but hopefully surely.
Honestly, I can't see him role-playing. I can see him watching me role play lol. I just don't know if it's his style. We have been experimenting with positions and that has helped.
One thing i can say for certain is that he is not a "lazy lover." He wants me to enjoy sex as much as he does.
I kind of think i intimidate him because I am more experienced... but idk what to do about that. One thing that was a good idea is to tell him what i want him to do and praise him afterwards... seems kinda like training a dog, lol, but w/e works... I guess i wish that he just knew these things. Maybe in a perfect world hah.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2010): Its a minefield out there for men when it comes to this sort of thing. How long have you known him? If its only been a little while, he may not feel comfortable man handling you. For all he knows he could end up in trouble because hes hurt you or something. Who needs that sort of worry. Or maybe he has something in his past that makes it difficult for him to act out the role of dominant aggressor, ie sexual abuse. Or maybe hes just a lazy lover that enjoys letting you do all the work. For some men, man handling a woman is just something they arent keen on doing. It doesnt turn them on. You really have to talk to him and be very frank or things will not improve if hes not properly aware that there is a problem.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (26 March 2010):
He probably feels more comfortable in that role, some people are just that way. I take it that in everyday things he is dominant for you. Or, it could be a symptom of our times and he is being too courteous to avoid being called a chauvinist, or selfish.
Anyhow, This calls for some communication, experimentation, and role playing. Tel him you want to play Tarzan and Jane, or Gladiator and Priestess or whatever roles fancy you. Get some demure lingerie that matches your role, probably white or pastel. Act it up, overact it. Remember you cant be submissive if you are saying "dominate me now!" When he does some thing right make sure you tell him that you like it. Be sure to let him have his turns to be submissive. No one likes to do all the work all the time. And, apparently he enjoys the submissive role.
Be sure to thank him afterward for giving you your turn. He may see being dominant as being a boorish male, so you need to help him see it as being giving. One of the conundrums of life is that most submissives won't give up the role because they like the control they have. Ironic isn't it.
FA
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2010): If you are very fragile he might be scared of hurting you.Is he very huge and big boned.Can I please have some more info
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