A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I recently had a boyfriend leave me without giving a reason. He just stopped talking to me. We had a disagreement on the phone the last time we spoke (political in nature, not personal), then nothing. We were together a year and 4 months, never had fights, got along well, talked of marriage one day. He is in the midst of going through a divorce after a 15 year marriage, which somehow may explain his disappearance, but it doesn't excuse his actions. My problem is I can't get past the sudden disappearance enough to grieve the end of the relationship and get on with my life. It's been 2 months, and it only gets worse, not better. I feel like I'm still in denial. When the phone rings I hope it's him. When I check the mail I hope to find a letter from him. I have extreme swings in mood, from crying to intense anger. I can't understand how anyone would think this is ok, to just leave without an explanation. It's the worst thing anyone has ever done to me emotionally. Does anyone out there have a suggestion about how to get closure on my own, since I'm not going to get it from him, so I can go on with my life and find happiness elsewhere?
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female
reader, Teacake +, writes (1 December 2008):
 Unfortunately, closure happens on its own timeline. I'm in the same boat really. Thing is, there is really no such thing as closure because the only thing that would make you happy is for things to work out with him.
Grief is the worst of all emotion but one day all the sudden the crying and anger just stop.
Should he call again, which he might. Unless he has a really good explanation I wouldn't tell him about your pain. Make it seem like your life has been so wonderful with his absense and you hesitate to start up with him again.
You have to do the reverse psychology. You would make things much worse for yourself if you let him know he had that much power over you. And if you gave him the impression that he was barely missed, that he meant so little to you.... you have the power in your court.
Nothing you can do other than cry and grieve for now. But when he does return, be super aloof! And don't take him back any time soon. He has to work for your trust. Its 50 50 about him returning, meaning there is hope to resolve the loss of your power over allowing someone to affect you in such a way. Can't say he will never come back or that he will. But make a plan now about what to say that makes it seem it was no big deal at all to you that he left.
Drama and spilling emotional guts only makes them want to run away.
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