A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Good afternoon. I went to get my alimony from my ex the other day. had to drive one hour and fifteen mins. to get it, way too long. I told him that it was too far to drive, he than said I can mail it, mailing it was not an option earlier for him. So I said yes, I think thats a good idea, seeing as you have not allowed me to move on, you have moved on with your young, soon to be wife, and you now have your son. It is time for me to get on with my life. Yes we have no contact except for the alimony, and I admit, I wanted to see him, wanted him to see me 50 pounds less than what I weighed, wanted him to see that he didn't crush me by cheating and leaving me. But it did me no good, I finally realized, he didn't care anymore, she is who he wants, and I am too good of a woman to be stuck wasting my time on him. We still fight some times when we see each other, but its about the money he has to pay me. He said his family had told him I was spending money like water. It was his mom who said this because he does not speak to the rest of them, and I don't hang with any of them and I told him they don't know what I do with my money and for his mom to keep my name out of her mouth, this is the cleaner version of it. The thing is they say stuff about him to me, and say stuff to me about him. Very two faced people especially his mother, she's all "I love you" and "she's not half the woman you are to me". And I'm sure to him she's like you have a son to raise, and a family and she should not be taking money from you, you need it, she's spending that money like water. BLAH. She even talks to the whore... sorry but that's what she is, breaking up a marriage knowingly. Anyway alot of what I'm saying is just venting. Yeah I still love the old fart. But like I was saying its time to move forward. Anyway, back to what I was saying the other day, I told him that now that he will be sending me the money he will not see me again, he replied yes I will, drive safe, be careful, I will hollar at you or you hollar at me. The thing is we don't text or call each other. I refuse. All I wanted was closure from him that yea you have a great life, take care of yourself, goodbye thing. But he couldn't say it, or wouldn't say it. I said goodbye to him, why could he not say it to me at least a sorry things happened this way, I got answers like well did you ever think that I left you because of the baby? I knew that and, I wont and didn't fight against it, a baby is a very precious gift and I couldn't keep someone from having one. I just cant move on without the closure, something just keeps telling me that he is not happy. I know, I know. Stop it, I deserve better. But i don't want to regret not waiting for him, for all of this to collapse and fall apart. I could see myself helping him with his son. I love kids, and she is so so so young 25 years younger to be exact. I am dating now, but I don't get too close to anyone and I let them know I'm not ready for anything serious. Well thanks to all for reading this insane message. If I don't get replies thats ok just wanted to write this stuff down, and get it out of the scramble mind. LOL :) oh and you all have done great here, you have listened to me ramble for over a year. thanks for the help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2013): I send you a big hug from me as well :-)Your posting is not insane at all. I enjoyed reading it. In fact it is a good thing to write down what is going on in your mind. Let it out. This is a kind of therapeutic thing that can help you heal.Your post makes sense and it also shows how brave you are to drive all the way to meet your ex-husband for the alimony. What you do with your oney is no body's buisness.You are a wonderful person, you did everything you could but it just was not enough for him. Sometimes changes are for our best. I know it is easier said than done and it hurts like hell when after all those years, the love of your life finds someone else and breaks your heart, but now you should look after yourself, move on and don't worry about him. If he is not happy in his marriage he will come back to you. I also agree with Aunty Em don't keep in touch with his family, spare yourself he said /she said rumours. Focus on your life, go out and find fun in dating, you don't have to start any exclusive relationships if you are not ready. Time is the only thing that will help you heal. You don't need any closer. He left because he cheated on you and now he has a child with his wife. I wish you all the best and don't be mad at him.
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (22 June 2013):
 I want to send you a huge hug, because I know what it feels like to lose someone you love and to be betrayed...it's hard times and it's confusing and upsetting, but you got to keep moving foward (I know you know this)
Maybe it's better you don't see him for the alimony because it's a disruption to your emotions and each time is going to be worse and worse.
I also know what you mean when you say you want closure from him without him insisting you stay in touch. Men do this for their own benefit, firstly so they don't look the bad guy and secondly to keep their options open. You did the right thing by telling him you won't see him again and you shouldn't (despite any remaining love)because it's bad for your mind and soul and inhibits your recovery.
Is there a reason why you have to stay in touch with his family? because none of them should have an ear in your business and this can also stop you moving on with your life...ditch him, ditch them...it's all the same package when they are stirring up trouble.
I feel your sadness, but I know from my own experiences that it can only be made better by cutting the contact for good and letting things fade.
If he is unhappy and he wants to return to you, he will find you, make no mistake about that but keeping in touch will make no difference if he does or he doesn't.
Your life is your own and you must live it, so grab ahold of some of those freedoms that being single offers and get you some fun and relaxation...and him be damned with his own thoughts of regret if it comes to that!
I wish you some peace and hope for the future xxx
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