A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Please help!Me and my ex girlfriend broke up about 2 months ago now after being together for a year. I love her so much and I want us to get back together, but I dont know how to convince her to give me another chance.The reason for us breaking up was that we got in a huge fight when we were both really drunk, literally about nothing important, and it ended up really bad because she attacked me when I called her a name and I slapped her. I couldn't believe what I had done and I immediately tried to apologize, but the damage was done. I have no history of violence at all and this was totally out of character for me, I was honestly just defending myself. The next day after talking with her mom and friends she told me that she thought it would be a good idea if we took a break. I was devestated.We didnt talk at first but now we hang out about once a week and talk on the phone almost everyday. She always tells me she loves me and we have even slept together a few times since the breakup. Although she acts the same around me as before, and lets me kiss and hug and even sleep with her, like we are together. She is still not up for the idea of us actually getting back together. She acts like were just friends if there are others around that we know. When I tell her how I feel she always gets all emotional and says that she feels like a "bad person" because she doesnt know what she wants right now.We are both young (22) and I know she had a violent break-up with her last boyfriend too, and she might be scared to get back with me becuase of what happened. I feel as if she is highly influenced by others sometimes in her decision making, especially her mom and girlfriends. I also think she has a slight drinking problem. She always wants to go out and party with her girlfriends multiple times per week and it always ends with her getting really drunk. I want to help her and be there for her because I love her so much, but she often ignores my requests to hang out with other plans or something else, and sometimes she will totally ignore me for a day or two until she wants to see me.I'm so caught up in this and it is consuming my mind so much I am getting sick at times. Our love is still so strong and the chemistry we have is amazing. I have never felt this way about any girl I have dated.How can I gain her trust back and get a second chance with her? Please help I need some good advice....
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female
reader, Khandi +, writes (3 July 2008):
 the past can surely tell you alot, she hasd a violent breakup in the past, and then if you realy look at it it was a violent break up with you, you are going to have to earn her trust maybe inevest in relationship counseling she may need that considering she had two violent break ups. she may be dealing with some emotional baggae that hs not yet been resolved, counseling wont hurt for either of you, this will also let her know that you have her best interest at heart.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2008): I think you need to tell her how you feel, just like you did in your question. However, it sounds like you already tried? Continuing to sleep with her may be reinforcing the bond you feel toward her; but I gather that she may no longer feel the same way. Maybe you need some time to focus on your own life and see where time takes you. I had to do that in the past and it takes a lot of self-discipline. Aside from that, I don't know if it's a good idea to confront her about her potential drinking problem at this point in time. But whatever you decide to do, I hope it's good for you.
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