A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, at the start of the year a female friend of mine and myself were texting quite a lot. We got together one evening and the subject of us being friends with benefits came up. It was a mutual agreement but nothing eventually came of it as when we met up the following evening she hinted that she wanted us to be more than just friends with benefits, whereas I didn't. She stopped responding to my texts but eventually did reply and explained it was because we both wanted different things. We remain friends but have spoken less since. Gradually, as the months went on I kept thinking more and more about her and missed chatting with her and basically realised we probably could have been good together. I recently asked her out on a date, explained my feelings, told her that I had been thinking about her a lot and would she still be prepared to give us a go as a proper couple. She said no, and I was met with a bit of a hostile response and she couldn't understand why I had let too much time pass. I do feel guilty, and I can understand her saying no, but I also feel that she is not totally innocent in all this. She is not seeing anybody (I know a few of her friends) and she has not had a boyfriend for a good few years now. How can I gain her trust and make her see that I really want the same as her?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2012): I have been in her position, and honestly when the guy came back telling me he now wanted the same as me, I rejected him and said why has it taken you so long? My thought was how arrogant are you, you think I have just been sitting here waiting around for you to figure out if you want me or not, I don't think so buddy. The thoughts of he hasn't found anyone else, so is now going to give me a try because he thinks he can just throw me away and pick me up again when it suits him.
It took him a long time to regain my trust and get me to believe he actually wanted to be with and that I wasn't second best or just a make do girlfriend until he found someone else. No-one wants to feel as though they are not your first choice, and this may be how she is feeling. You may regain her trust, you may not, but if you truly want this woman then show her that she is the one your chosing to be with, be caring, sweet and genuine with her. Good Luck I hope this helps you a little.
A
female
reader, mellie02  +, writes (8 August 2012):
she is probably still very hurt with your actions and her initial action would be to reject you(it was a real blow to her pride she probably dont feel like she can trust u yet). I think you should take things slow, dont try to pressure her into a relationship yet. Instead, earn her trust- be sincere in showing that you care-probably need involve a lot of wooing on your part! ;p, be nice, sweet and charming and dont give up easily if you really care about her. Give her time to get over her hurt and i am sure she will be wiling to accept you back but if she is still stubborn about it then maybe she is not worth the trouble. Good luck!
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