A
female
age
41-50,
*ickivicki
writes:i met this guy off the internet 9 years ago. we chatted online and e-mailed each other for about a year. he would say sweet romantic things to me, and i thought he loved me. we went on a date, and had an argument about money.he stood me up for our second date. anyway, i called, he would not talk to me initally, and i wrote him several letters hoping to make amends, but no reponse.to this very day, i get phone calls, and when you say hello, no one answers, or 1 or 2 rings on the phone.i know this is emotional abuse, but why did he do this to me ? i really cared about him and loved him, and i really thought he loved me too. he has all the characteritics of a male emotional abuser, but i loved him so much. but i still care about the guy.how i'm i going to forget this guy who emotionally abused me for 9 to 10 years, with the calls ?i really loved him, and i was wondering why me ?thank you, i would really appreciate some replies and advice.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 November 2009):
 I get calls where I answer and no one is there. I have callerID and it just shows as "unavailable". This happens once in a while. My sister has had a fax machine call her every single day at 5 pm since she moved into her new house. She hasn't figured out how to make it stop without changing the number and as they've now gone to the internet/cable/phone combo package thing, she's reluctant to change things up. It was complicated enough coordinating the entire thing.
I'm concerned for you that you fell deeply in love with a guy who you think had the hallmarks of an abuser, that you still say you care about him and that you believe he is calling you to abuse you still. Reality check time.
Change your number. Put callerID on your phone. My in-laws have this phone thing that keeps telemarketers away, if an undisclosed number calls, you have to announce who you are and push some buttons. It used to drive me crazy because I would be calling from another country and therefore it looked like I was an 'unavailable' number!
Please consider seeing a therapist to see why you're still in love with a guy who you haven't seen for 9 years, and a guy you think is an emotional abuser to boot.
Why didn't you hear from him again? Maybe the first meeting with you was not what he had expected and he dropped you--rude but not stalkerish. In fact quite the reverse. You tried to reach him and he didn't respond. I think you've built this into something that it is not.
What do your friends say about this?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2009): Getting calls where no one answers or getting calls with a couple of rings and then it stops is not emotional abuse.
I find it unfathomable that any guy that you went out with twice would spend 9 years calling you and not speaking to you.
Do you realize that many collection agencies and telemarketers have something called automatic dialers that dial random numbers or numbers from a list and the person on the other end of the phone is not connected to the call until the dialer recognizes a voice on your end.
Sometimes this technology doesn't even work and that is more likely the reason you are getting calls with no one being there.
Rings that quit could be wrong numbers or the same thing.
Here are a couple of suggestions for you.
Put your phone numbers including cell phone numbers on the national so not call list. https://www.donotcall.gov/
That will keep telemarketers from calling UNLESS you happen to be their customer already, then they are legally allowed to phone you.
If that does not stop the calls, have you ever considered changing your phone number.
As far as how do you get over emotional abuse? Is to realize this is not emotinal abuse in the first place and that this guy from 9 years ago has more than likely forgotten all about you, I suggest you do the same.
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