A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:this weekend i was at a friends party and got super drunk... and woke up next to my best friend. we were both naked and not sure how far we have gone we found a condom but it was used but had no cum inside does this mean we havent done it..? shes went and got the morning after pill so are my worries of her pregnant over? and if we did it totally sucks.... we are both virgins we tell each other everything and i think now i ruined our friendship.....how can i fix this? we dont talk the way we use to, she knows it was by accident and it was kind of both our faults...
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best friend, both virgins, condom, drunk Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyeahh i guess i should blame myself il tell her that and i doubt we did anything either : / but stheres still a guilty conscience in my mind saying that something might have happened..... but if she got the morning after pill i think its fine.. and i dont drink this much usually so i guess time will tell if she'll still be my best friend.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (3 December 2008):
 Whether or not anything happened, and I tend to agree with Uncle Phil in that if you were too drunk to remember anything then you were too drunk to get an erection, the thing to keep in mind is that she no longer feels she can trust you.
I know you're best friends and everything, but the consequence of the drunkeness was all on her. She's the one who had to go get the morning after pill, she's the one who might have gotten pregnant, she's the one who's expected to keep her virginity. You see my point? Granted, you would be expected to pay child support if there were a baby, but aside from that, you have no consequences other than a nasty hangover. She has a load of worry and now is probably blaming herself and doesn't feel that she can be left alone with you.
So even if it was nobody's fault but the alcohol, go and apologize like crazy. Not for the virginity thing, because I doubt it happened, unless she's not telling you that she did have blood and feels sore, but because sexist as this might sound, it's up to the guy to make sure he doesn't push himself on the girl. Someone has to be the honorable one, and it was supposed to be you. Unfair, I know, that this has happened, but as Dr. Pete points out, alcohol can really mess you up.
So take the burden of the blame on your shoulders, let her know you blame yourself and apologize profusely to her. When you said it was kind of both your faults, you are correct. But when it comes to the consequences, it's all on her. So if that's lopsided, swing the balance the other way and tell her that it will never happen again, whatever it was that happened, which was probably nothing. And then don't drink so much.
How old are you? I personally knew two young men, one 19, one 20. Both died in separate car wrecks this year about seven months apart.... and I never thought I would know anybody who died in a car crash, but now I do, and their families will never be the same. You don't want to be that guy in the casket. So lay off the alcohol. It's more fun watching other people get stupid than to be stupid yourself....
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A
female
reader, 1littleduck  +, writes (3 December 2008):
I find this difficult to believe. If you were blind drunk and can't remember anything of the previous night it's unlikely that you had sex at all, and if she was a virgin there would have been some blood on the sheets in the morning, this you would have noticed.I think you will find that this was just a joke played on you both, as most people find it difficult to even stand up after being that drunk, let alone take their cloths off and have sex, more so if it your first time as well!I would go and talk to your friend and tell her that you are convinced that this was a joke, and you are sorry for getting into such a state which left you both so wide open for someone to play such a stupid trick on.You could ask her if she noticed any bleeding and tell her that you have been worried and concerned for her so you asked a few questions, and when she says no, then you can reasure her that nothing happened. If you are really good friends, she may feel a little embarrased as you, so it would be best to clear this matter up and continue your friendship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2008): I find this one difficult to believe. For a start, if you were blind drunk to the extent you can't remember anything of the previous night it's unlikely you'd have managed an erection, much less taken a girl's virginity. Secondly, if she was a virgin she'd certainly remember the discomfort the following morning, and possibly notice some blood somewhere.
But giving you the benefit of the doubt, it's probable that nothing happened between you and someone else undressed you, put the pair of you to bed and left an unrolled condom for you to find in the morning. A nice practical joke for those concerned.
The one occasion in my life that I've been so drunk that I couldn't remember anything whatsoever about the previous night, when someone put me to bed in a senseless state, I couldn't even walk, let alone have sex.
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A
male
reader, crazydirtyred +, writes (3 December 2008):
I wouldn't exactly know what to tell you here, but if she isn't pregnant, and if none of you remember what happened, then I don't think there's anything you should be worrying about, let her know you feel that way too, just be careful that it doesn't happen again unless you want it to. You didn't go through an emotional relationship and if you did have sex, you can say you had meaningless sex, shouldn't let get to you or in the way of the friendship. Ask her to go to the movies and hang out, or try playing some sports with her, let her know you're not trying to be romantic with her. Or you can ask her how she feels and what she thinks, hopefully she feels the way I mentioned.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2008):
It seems quite likely that you had sex to me, or at least tried to. If you were both virgins then there is a high chance that she would be able to know that she lost her virginity because she would have maybe felt a bit tender afterwards.
Maybe you were both so drunk you tried to have sex but you didn't actually end up penetrating her? e.g. you got your clothes off, tried to get the condom off but ended up falling asleep mid way through? That sounds quite likely.
Your worries of pregnancy should be over now she has had the morning after pill, as long as it was within 72 hours of having sex.
I don't think it was you who ruined your friendship. It seems like you both made the mistake of getting too drunk to be able to know what you were doing, so don't take all the blame.
Consider it a lesson learnt! Alcohol can be lots of fun, but the more you drink, the more chance you're going to end up in some kind of situation that will result in something like a pregnancy, disease, loss of friendship, fight, injury or if you're really unlucky, death. Just try not to over do it the next time you're drinking ;)
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