A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for two years. I am 21 and he is 26. We are serious about each other. He is in a full time heavy metal band. Ive recently moved into the city with him, and I dont see any of my friends anymore. So I hang out with his friends and his band mates girlfriends. however when I go to his shows, everyone there are metal heads and know WAY more about bands and this type of music then do I. So I end up having nothing to contribute to conversations and this bothers me. I love the music but have only recently been exposed to it, whereas most of the people have grown up on it. I feel left out or like Im holding him back being there, because I dont have as much in common with any of these people. This is a very big part of his life that I dont know that I will ever fit into as much as I would like. I have insecurity issues and I always worry hes going to find a girl whos more into the scene then me. I dont know how to get over my insecurities. help!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2009): Ditch the emotional baggage and just put out. In the car, in the kitchen, at the club, behind the bar. Everywhere, all the time.
A
female
reader, Original shiraz!  +, writes (1 June 2009):
I dont feel your insecurities are the main issue, the fact that youve given up all youve ever known for a guy and have done your up most to adjust to his lifestyle is something in itself.
Re read your post, i respect that your serious about each other but should that come at the cost of your mates your life etc, it seems to me youve adjusted to suit him, what sacrifices has he made? I dont mean to rock the boat here but i see that as the real issue, maybe im alone in that view yet i feelthe reason your feeling so bad about this is because youve done all you can to change to suit his lifestyle and youve reached your limit, you cant change the real you for another. If he loved you then he wouldnt want you too.
Just because thats the way he lives doesnt mean you have to too, not every couple is the same, most have the balance of the two you need seperation from time to time in order to apreciate and enjoy what you have, if your living breathing and witnessing all you both do what will be left from it all, itll all go bad from there.
Although its good to be interested in his lifes and loves it should never come at the cost of your own, nobody should ask of that, no matter how deep the love.
Id talk to him, you need your independance dont forget who you are and what youve always known.
Never loose yourself into somebody to the extent where your left lonely, you need to remain yourself.
Take a look at it all and deep down you will see the changes within yourself, re view the whole situation, its ok to love him and be with him but keep the balance or your insecurities will only increase. Best of luck
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