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How can I find out what he wants without scaring him off?

Tagged as: Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 February 2010) 1 Answers - (Newest, 17 February 2010)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I really like someone and I can't tell what he wants. I'm hoping a third party could have some insight. Here's the basic timeline of events:

About a year ago, me him and another guy would hang out a fair bit. I knew the other guy had a thing for me and one day he told me that the guy I like had pulled him aside and asked if he'd be upset if we started dating.

So, soon after we did go on a date and it went well but there was no kiss goodnight or anything. The next time we saw each other, he told me he really liked me and kissed me.

We had a few more dates and make-out sessions before that other guy I mentioned earlier told me my guy had never had a girlfriend or sex or possibly even kissed anyone before. Soon after that, my guy had to go away for work for a few months. When he got back, we slowly started seeing each other again. I think slowly is the key word - he did everything cautiously and it made me think the idea of being in a relationship scared him, since it was unknown, and since he's 23 years old I suspect he might feel held back by his lack of experience, thinking it's rarer than it actually is.

Eventually we got together more seriously (I'm not talking sex or anything, more a hinted-at understanding between us, which he initiated) and a few days later he backed out, saying I was the best thing in this city and he didn't want to lose me or stuff it up.

So now when we catch up it's usually with a group of people but he always pays particular attention to me - asking how everything's going for me and hugging, touching or tickling me if he gets the chance. Each time he introduces me to a friend of his, they have always heard a lot about me. Also, the day after we do something together he always texts me to say how great it was to see me.

Sorry it's so long, thanks for reading! I thought the backstory might help. I think I'd like to talk to him about it and find out what he wants - is that a good idea? How should I go about it without scaring him off?

View related questions: never had a girlfriend, text

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A male reader, Neboraic United Kingdom +, writes (17 February 2010):

Tell him what youve said here, "we started dating, then you stopped it, do you want to go back to dating or just stay friends". Dont worry about scaring him off, he will only be scared off if he doesnt want to date you.

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