A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:HelloI am a very old reader and writer of this website and I love the people here doing this great work of helping each other and people like me. Here is my situation and I would be really grateful if someone can help me.I am originally a Pakistani and thankfully now a devoted American who loves and honors every second and every inch of this land. I came here 2 years ago, started doing small jobs and my IT certifications side by side. I worked in retail, IT contracting companies and now have a full time job as an IT Professional. This info was to let you know that I am fit career wise. My problem is my depression regarding not having a girl in my life who would be devoted to me and love me with all her heart. I am 24 and the only girl I ever loved was in Pakistan and she left me for someone else after a relation of 4 years when I came to USA. She has now married that guy also and people say that she does not care for me any longer (I already know that because she never even looked back to see if I was even alive).When she dumped me, I was devastated as she was my 1st love and I wanted to marry her. I begged her back but she was gone so I did my best to forget about her by making myself busy in jobs, education and picked up the guitar again. It all helped but not fully. When I thought I had recovered, I went to find an honest loving girl and got rejected again and again, roughly around 7 times. Some of them rudely ignored me, some called me a creep for asking them out and some just said they were not interested.This all contributed in building up the image of myself as an unattractive guy and made me think that this was the reason why my ex dumped me too.For a long time I stopped myself from running after women and in other words, I actually started hating women. I hated their guts and the fact that they actually date hot "jerks" and find it insultable for them to love a nice guy like me who does not have a pretty sexy face but who knows he might have so much to offer you. Now let me clarify what I mean by a "nice" guy. He is someone who is honest, sincere, caring, loving, ambitious, educated, respectable and humble. I have all these in me. But sadly what I don't have is a "hot" face. Yes I work out and yes I have a lean and athletic physique with a flat stomach. But why did none of those girls want to know me fully 1st? I have a thick accent and a very girlish voice but it is not my fault. It was not under my control that I was born in Pakistan and came to USA when I was 22, an age when your accent has been built already. It was not my fault that my voice is girlish. But I can speak English fluently for hours with correct grammar and syntax.I am an advanced guitar player. This is not bragging. I can play songs by people and bands like Metallica, Guns n Roses, Steve Vai, Joe Satriani, Creed, Alter Bridge and so many more. So why did I have to suffer so much in spite of all the good things in me? Why can I NOT forget my ex even to this day and I get dreams every night where I am looking for her everywhere and when I find her, she tells me that she is mine and only mine :'(What can I do to make it right? I know the most certain and frequently heard answer is: "You will forget your ex when you will find your true love". How will that happen? I tried so many times and I miserably failed.Sometimes I think that I am not familiar with the dating culture in America and I am so stupid and foreign that I do something really stupid. Maybe I don't know what the girls want to hear from a guy and what a guy has to be to attract a girl. Quite frankly don't tell me that girls love honest and caring guys, just be yourself, just be honest and confident and you will find a good girl. I know it is a lie. They HATE honest and caring guys like me. They just plainly reject.I am starting university soon just as a chance to find a woman who might pay attention to me and forget about her ego for some time and gives me a chance to show her that I have so much love to give and take. I have heard that university is the easiest place as you have so many options. So here is a highlight:I am a 24 year old IT engineer with a high paying job, tall with a muscular athletic physique, a musician as a hobby, honest, ambitious, caring and respectful towards everyone.Before making another bad memory and an ass out of myself after going to university and finding someone, I want expert suggestion of people who have gone through the same. Help me stand tall like I used to 5 years ago. I have never been the same. I have a job and money but I am not happy.
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ambition, money, my ex, player, university Reply to this Question
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (22 October 2012):
 It makes me sad that you did all you can but no success. One thing you can do is plastic surgery. Don't be hard on me for being blunt. I had plastic surgery. If I didn't, I am still confident someone wants to love me but it will take a much longer time. When the world is shallow we can't change people's perceptiveness to beauty but we can enhance our looks. I agree accent can be hard to change. Don't look at your background and your voice as your weakness but rather this is your essence. You got to start somewhere. With dating experience you will gain more confidence. I would say older women look for substance while younger women look for sex appeal. This is in general. So you don't have to worry that you will be lonely forever because the qualities you have is much needed when women really want to settle down. You can also try dating only Pakistani girls whom you feel comfortable conversing with.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2012): @SinginbluebirdI am the original poster and I want to reply to your follow up answer. In fact I have done all that. I DID ask all those 7 girls out and got rejected brutally. I made a profile on match dot com and I was a fully paid member with email and Chat message access. I emailed more than 20 girls and none of them ever replied to me. There was one girl on match that talked to me and gave me her number but she always avoided to talk to me on a cell phone call so I could verify it was an actual girl. She never let me call her and she did not either. I forgot to put all this info in the early post as I thought it will get really lengthy.Yes I have followed my instincts and I think I am scared and depressed for a reason. I have been turned down so much that I seriously think I am ugly.
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A
female
reader, singinbluebird +, writes (21 October 2012):
 Okay, first off, my question to you is : Have you even asked any girls out ?LOOK, you can expect to get the rewards by not putting in the effort. You say how amazing you are and Im sure you are just that, but look, you cant really complain about not having a girlfriend, WHEN you dont actually pursue them. So my suggestion is, is set up some dating online profiles like OKcupid (best one), match, or eharmony. And actually start asking women out. You have to be actively pursuing girls to gain a girlfriend. No one can just sit back and complain about not having a girlfriend, when you dont even seek them out. Youre the guy, so actually act like one. Be the pursuer, it is a natural instinct in you. Trust me, you will get over your ex by getting to know more people and by dating other people. And start asking people out at work, or events, or places you go to. Just get use to pursuing. And online, ASK every single woman out, even those with no pics. I once read about a guy who did just that and he finally met his wife, who had no pics and barely a paragraph about herself. He took a chance and the love of his life. It is doable. You just have to put it into action. Good luck =)
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