A
female
age
36-40,
*acquianne
writes:I have had a close friendship with a guy for about a year. He's one of my closest friends. His feelings have moved beyond friendship. I have virtually no emotional intelligence. When it comes to relationships, I am clueless. I had no idea he fancied me until he told me - and it came as a shock. I hadn't considered the idea because I wasn't looking for a relationship or trying to make him like me. And I panic. I always do whenever I discover someone likes me and my way of coping - or rather, my refusal to cope with the concept - is to push the guy away, cut him out of my life. But I can't - and don't want to cut him out because he's my friend and I'm a friend of his whole family. But it scares me so much! The thing is, I can't identify my own feelings. I don't know if I feel just close friendship or something more. I don't even know if I'm attracted to him. Sometimes I get a fluttery feeling when he walks past, other times nothing. Sometimes I look around a room just looking for him and other times I don't notice if he's not there. Sometimes I feel when I'm with him and we're talking that I could fall for him, other times he'll say something and I'll think 'no, definitely not!'But so many people who know us are convinced there is something going on between us. Mutual friends have said that we're joined at the hip, look dreamily at each other, our body language suggests we're a couple etc. But I can't see it. They can recount instances where they claim it's obvious we both like each other - and I just can't see it! One of my friends said in an email: "i think u r well suited because u r both christians, well educated, level headed, have plenty in common, enjoy eachothers company, look good together, seem 2 have similar goals in life.................. i think that's it, oh and u can tell a mile off that you BOTH LIKE eachother, hope that answers ur question and hope it helps :) xxx" I don't know how I feel, I don't have any instinct or gut feeling. I can't read situations or people, I can't read myself or figure out what's in my own mind/heart. So I don't trust myself to know because I haven't figured anything out in the past - had no idea he liked me until he told me etc. I'm so confused! And I'm rubbish at figuring out my own head/heart, I don't know how I feel about him. I know there are times we're very close and I think I could fall in love with him, other times I think 'nope, definitely not!'. And I've already hurt him because I don't know where I'm at so I haven't been able to tell him how I feel. Which has kind of left him hanging for a few weeks. I'm horrible - I feel as though I'm messing him around and I can't bear to hurt him! All because I can't figure myself out and there's this huge fear overwhelming me!Please can someone help me clear this confusion? Or tell me how to figure it out? Thank you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2010): Just because everyone else sees it doesn't mean it's there.
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female
reader, lovehelp  +, writes (19 June 2010):
Sounds like exactly what you said...you are making excuses for yourself only becuase you're afraid, but if you really don't think you guys are a match seriously think about it. If he's really a good friend then you can tell him exactly what you"re blogging the rest of the world :)
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