A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been in a LDR for almost 6 months now. Within the last month, we've been fighting alot.A while back, my girlfriend gave me the password to her email. I got curious and checked. She's been talking to (and calling) some other guy. Older emails seem flirtatious, but newer ones seem friendly.She still lies to me about calling me, and calls him instead. On the other hand, she tells me how much she loves me and still writes me letters and does little nice things for me.I know that she's flirting with him, it's obvious. I know everyone will say to break up with her.My question is, how can I expose her lies without saying I checked her email? I guess this can be a followup to the previous question:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/our-ldr-feels-awkward-im-afraid-to-lose.htmlThanks.
View related questions:
flirt Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2009): I think the DUDE has some good points.
Why on earth are you beating yourself up over a long distance relationship of 6 months. It sounds to me that you are her security blanket and she is dependent on you for those phone calls etc, she sounds like a weak girl who doesn't enjoy her own company. Not a good candidate even for someone who COULD stand a long distance relationship.
I don't see this going any where, and I agree you may be wasting your youth! You are so young, why don't you find a nice girlfriend where you live, you will be happier and this girl who is so worried and can't handle this will be free to date someone else too.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLately we've been talking every night, longer than usual. She gets stressed out during the day, and we talk 24/7 on aim or on the phone. She tells me she loves me, and still makes plans for the future and all.Now the thing is, I'm not entirely sure what's going on with the other guy but I do know she lies and calls him and acts like everything is ok. Whenever we "break up" she ends up saying she can't leave me, etc etc etc.I've talked to her about the future, she sees us married together even. She says she'll be there for me forever but she worries alot. She's spoken to, and still speaks to my family and friends, and shows an interest in a life together. She doesn't push me aside or anything, but I have noticed she gets a bit moody lately.We used to talk 5+ hours on the phone during summer, but school and all came up and we both need to get sleep and all. She can only call me after 10pm at night. I have noticed that she ends up calling both of us now each night.I'm way too easy to reach I'm guessing. I'm always around when she needs me, I've been thinking of just becoming a little busier to give her time to miss me.As for the password, she gave it to me a while ago. I doubt she even remembers giving it to me, but I could be wrong.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2009): [Moderator Note: explicit word deleted]Dude, you say she's "flirting," I don't know if you constitute that as cheating, etc.First thing is first, even married couples that's been married for 20+ years rarely ever confess to cheating even when confronted.You NEVER confront if you "THINK" they're cheating. You MUST HAVE evidence, which you do.A CHEATER will HARDLY NEVER ADMIT IT, EVEN when confronted."Even when cheaters are confronted by their suspicious partners, only 6 percent of men and women actually confess to the affair." - http://webcenters.netscape.compuserve.com/love/package.jsp?name=fte/whycheat/whycheatHere's another site which talks about the mentality of a cheater (reasons they dn't confess, etc): http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/husband_not_confess.htmlI don't know how you plan to or WHY would you have a relationship with somebody like this - it shows so much insecurity and low self-worth, man.Everyone may say how unethical it is, or look what happens when you snoop, but there is NO OTHER WAY to catch a cheater - when you confront them, they will only CHEAT SMARTER.My advice, have a serious talk about where she sees it's going. Ask her if she'd like to see other people, etc. At this point, she may throw it back on you like YOU want to see other people, etc - this will give her an easy exit, etc. OR she may tell you, she wants to continue being serious with you.If she sticks to the same story, she loves you, she just wants to see you, THEN, it's time to just confront the b*tch, say your peace, and cut off contact.You're acting like you have YEARS invested with this person. You have a few months, you're a young guy, the chance of anything happening with this chick long term, is slim next to none. Grow a pair and drop this chick.Secondly, from your other post: Whenever we can, about every 1-2 days, we speak over the phone.I was in a LDR, we talked like every damn night! 5+ hours. 1-2 days on a phone, ain't really a relationship. More like two friends that touch base a couple times a week.From both your posts: Within the last month, we've been FIGHTING alot. - Recently, my girlfriend said that she CAN'T handle the distance because she worries too much. She wanted to take a break for a while. - Since then, she's been acting a bit distant with me. Her relationship status on facebook has yet to CHANGE BACK to what it was before, but she tells me that we're still together and I still have her. - She still LIES to me about calling me, and calls him INSTEAD. Dude, the chick tried to get out of this a while back. Sometimes people can't make up their mind, you need to make the choice for her. And don't "stay friends," cut off contact with [her].I know it sounds like I'm against you, but I'm WITH you man. You sound like a decent guy and you deserve better.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2009): I am not sure what purpose it would serve to prove she calls and emails some other guy, she will just say he is a friend and she gave you the password so I doubt she is really trying to hide much from you.
I am not in favor of Long Distance Relationships I did that once after a boyfriend that I had dated for a number of years had to move out of state for a job. It was the most miserable thing for both of us and I will never do it again. I feel they just do not work unless someone picks up and moves or follows the other one.
...............................
A
female
reader, _Anonyy_ +, writes (4 November 2009):
Well if she gave you her password its as simple as that, tell her you looked. She wouldn't give you her password if she didn't intend on you looking, the only way this most likely going to be resolved is that you tell her everything. I figure it this way, women want you to express your feeling just as they do theirs. That is the only key inside a woman is to know where she stands. And how will you guys ever know where your feelings stand as a couple if you don't tell her yours? I'm not going to tell you to break up with her. But you should deeply consider it IF after you tell her your opinion and this problem persists. It's persisting at the moment because she thinks you don't know about it. Maybe you just need to richen your relationship with this girl and it might help. As for the password, if you tell her about it which I'm guessing you dont want to because you feel like she might change her feelings and her password or erupt on you about her privacy then maybe shes not the girl for you. She gave you her password to instill trust and by talking with this other man shes losing yours. The best thing to do is to Talk to her about it! This could be very good for you guys especially with the distance. Or it could be very bad because she no longer has those really strong feelings. Might I add not to be afraid of this. When you find the women who will wait for you and stay by your side with all yours and her decisions then you'll be happy you chose to speak to this lover of yours. It will bring you great strength and prepare you for future similar stories. But whatever you do DO NOT bring your past into your future DO NOT!! just be wise. !!!! you'll be alright dear.
...............................
|
