A
female
age
36-40,
*onicaC
writes:How can I ever love again? I gave my heart to him, all of it, without reservation or concern for my own well-being. I spent two years with him and shared my very soul. For a time, he gave me love in return. But, then, he became cold and distant and took another lover. He played me like a ping-pong ball and left me to suffer. He is remorseless for what he's done. I don't think I can ever trust anyone again after this. I'm no spring chicken, but I'm still a good-looking and intelligent woman with so much to offer. The thing is: I don't think I'll ever be able to share myself with anyone else.How do I rebuild the ability to love and trust again? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, MonicaC +, writes (23 June 2009):
MonicaC is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you both so much for your insights and helpful advice. This is probably the most difficult time I can ever recall, but I will keep trying to move ahead and let go of the past.
Maybe time is the only solution. I hope that it will heal me somehow.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2009): Hmm I'm sad reading this. Mainly because I am coming out of that situation. So I can offer you the advice on what has been helping me.
Accepting that it was not your fault is a big part. Sometimes no matter what words we say, we can't control the other. Reliving the pain of your life is a choice you make yourself, you drag 'unresolved issues' from the past into the present only to relive them again. Often enough because you cannot understand or accept what happened, and hope that this endless series of reliving it, will somehow lead to some form of understanding or acceptance in the future.
What I have tried to do was make myself stronger in my life. I neglected my friends and family...and those around me. I tried to meet new people, make new friendships...just overall become a healthier person. They most important part was knowing that over time, I will feel better and I will heal. It has been four months since my break up, currently I feel slightly lost but no where near as hurt as I was then. The ability to love and trust will come back to us when we ourselves become stronger.
Good luck babe, I hope...things become better for you.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2009): Hi, I am about your age and suffer from the same grievance. In my case the man in question was significantly older than me. I thought he was brilliant and unlike anyone I had ever met. I loved him "without reservation" (as you put it), in the past I have said that I was without any defense when it came to loving him.
I guess you can say we have had some semblance of a romance the last 2 years or so, albeit his mixed messages, periods of silence, occasional indifference and sometimes arrogance.
Another friend of mine who is now in her late 50s shared her experience with an older man when she was just 20. He was in his 30s when they met, a famous neurologist working in Paris. She feel in love with him but it eventually ended. Reflecting on her relationship now she has said that being involved with him was a perilous choice. It took years for her self esteem to recover and to some extent it still hasn't since it is so fresh in her mind.
You are right, you do have a lot to offer and he is a fool for being so short sighted and not appreciating you. You can't change men like that. He was unfair to you and wasn't even decent enough to care about your feelings in the end. He was selfish and cold. Given what I have just described, does that seem like a man you would really want to be with? Someone who makes you feel horrible and unsure about yourself.
You need to face the truth at some point and move beyond the wallowing stage. I have been were you are and I really wish that someone a year ago told me to snap out of it and realize what a flawed person he is. That I had no future with him and that he didn't have what it takes to make me happy. Tell yourself and then remind yourself over and over and over.
...............................
|
