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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I used to have a crush on my mum's cousin, i'm not sure if i still do, since i havent seen him for afew years, but we are intouch online, although i havent spoke to him for afew months. I recently read that he wants to patch things up with his half brother, his parents didnt want them to see each other, i have heard about the problems he has had with his parents and brother through the grapevine over the years, like when other family members have been talking about it, and i read comments on the website that me and him are intouch on saying that they want to arrange a secret meeting without his parents knowing so they can patch things up.Last time i saw him,it seemed like he fancied me,although i wasnt sure,as he bought me a drink afew times,kept asking if i had a boyfriend,and even wanted me to sneak to his house once without telling the family.I wanted to go,but couldnt,as i bumped into him when we were out,and i was with other family members,and one of them saw us talking and told me not to go with him to his house.Since then,i have asked him to meet up afew times,but he hasnt responded.He did send me a message once asking how i was though,but went offline in the middle of the conversation,not sure why.He also used to live near me but moved away,although i hardly saw him.I'm not sure whether he moved away coz of his parents,or if it was just a coincidence.Me and his half brother have added each other to our pages since i read about them wanting to patch things up aswell.To make a long story short,I want to tell him that i have been having problems aswell.My dad isnt well,and i have fallen out with my mum.I want to talk to him about it,and tell him i know about the problems he has had with his parents and brother.My question is,what should i say to him ?.Do you have any suggestions as to how i could discuss this with him ?.He is someone i really feel i could talk to,but of course,i dont want to come on too strong and scare him off.I still wish he would meet me aswell,although i'm afraid to ask again.If he can arrange a secret meeting with his brother though,i dont see why he cant with me,if he is still interested,especially since he lives away now and we are intouch online,that wasnt the case last time i saw him.He doesnt have a clue about the problems i've had,and he doenst know that i know what has happened with him.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2009): i've jsut sent him a message i'm petrified incase he tells anyone else what i've said or incase he doesnt respond,or responds saying something bad !.I'm sick of worrying all the time though and feel i should say whats on my mind,and i think the message sounded friendly anyway and not over the top.Even though i mentioned what happened last time i saw him,i dont think that necessaril sounds strong,do you ?.
I'll have to wait and see what happens,and will let you know !
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2009): Hi again.Can i ask you how long your nephew and granddaughter were together for,and how you and other family members reacted when you found out ?.How did they explain the situation ?.
I'm going to send him a message first saying that i've read about him wanting to fix things with his brother,and that his aprents have no right to tell him what to do as he is an adult,and life's too short to worry about what people think and that i think its good that he wants to fix things with his brother.hopefully he wont mind me saying so and wont think i'm interfering.If anything,he should be grateful i've said that.I'm also going to ask him if he minds me talking about my family problems,and ask him not to tell anyone else what i say.I'll only tell him what the probles are if he responds.
I also want to say that i thought it was wrong when the family member stopped me from going to his house last time i saw him,and he had no right since we are both adults.I'm not sure if that hints that i like him or not.I do want to tell him i like him aswell,but i'm not sure if that should be in my first message.One thing i dread is him telling other family members that i said i like him,or that he gets scared off and maybe removes me from his friend list and doesnt bother with me again at all.I would have no problem with us seeing each other in a romantic way.Perhaps i could say i think he is a nice person and i think alot of him and i wish we werent related !.Although that might seem too strong.I dont know why i am so frightened of telling him really as after i told him i thought he was good looking,he went even further and said he thought i was really really good looking,and when he said our family could think we were going out with each other if they knew we were going to meet up,i said well it is legal,and he said i know !.He also told me not to tell this other guy who liked me at the time that we were going to meet up !.One thing i havent mentioned is that after we had that conversation,we were supposed to meet the next day,but i tried to call him on his mobile,and he didnt answer his phone.
I'm just so scared that if i send him another message he will ignore me again and incase he has lost interest,if he was interested before.If he is inerested,i just wish he was as confident about the situation as i am !.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2009): just wanted to add,i would be worried about him removing me from his friend list on the website aswell if i did scare him off,although i musnt have scared him off yet,since i'm still on his friend list.Although,it was him who sent me the friend request so we could be added to each others pages in the first place,but did he do that just because we are family,or because he likes me in the same way,to just coz he is curious to see my page ?.I'm not sure.On another website,he doesnt go on it anymore,he put me in his " top friends " section !.He put me as his 2nd top friend,but again,i dont know if he did that just coz we are related or for another reason.He also recently requested to add me as a relative on the site we are intouch on now,which i havent yet,it would just mention near my name that i am a relation of his.He also sends me requests to join groups on there.He has put that he is single too,but he recently put he is looking for friendship and dating on there.Until recently ,it just said friendship,then he added dating.This seemed abit of an odd thing,especially since we are related,but there is a game on there called do you think ? ,you have to answer questions about people on your friend list,and when you answer,you can either answer anonomously,or so that your name appears,and you can see if they have answered questions about anyone else,but i was the only person he had answered a question on.the question was " do you think ( my name ) would ever run outside with no clothes on ? ",there are some silly and serious questions on there,and he said no.He replied leaving his name on it.i thoughtt hat was an odd thing to answer if you only like someone as a friend or relative !.As i said,he also recently added his mobile number to his page,so that everyone can see what it is.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2009): Be brave - pluck up the courage to tell him how you feel about him when you get a suitable opportunity. You don't have anything to lose as far as I can see. I hope it goes well for you when you do.
This is what I said last time - and I still say it! Stop mucking about and get on with it!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2009): i didnt really want to tell him online,that's why i wish he would meet me in person.I just dont understand why he hasnt responded when i have asked him.And i'm worried that if i contact him again,i might be embarrassing myself again.I felt embarrassed and upset when he didnt respond.Of course,he may not know that.Even if he hadnt wanted to meet,he could have told me.
He even said to me once that i could go and work with him,in the place he works in now in the other town,bu he thought i might get homesick,so obviously then,he must have thought things were ok with me and my family,but he didnt bother arranging for me to do that.It made me wonder if he meant i should have moved up there with him too !.I wish i could,as i'd love to move away,especially if it was with him,but i wouldnt want to ask.The area he lives in is afew hours away from here.
Also,once,this man,i dont know who he was,saw me give my mum's cousin a kiss on the cheek and he said give him more of a kiss than that,and my mum's cousin said we're related.That man must have thought we looked like a couple !.
I told my dad i liked him once,my parents are divorced now,so it was easier to tell my dad,since he isnt related to him or my mum anymore,i wouldnt have told him if he and my mum were still married,and he was ok with it and thought i should ask him out,My mum and her side of the family on the other hand wouldnt be happy about it,and that is what my mum's cousin thought too.It was strange because he said i couldnt tell my family i was meeting him,if we had met,because they would think we were going out with each other.After he asked me to sneak to his house,and a family member stopped me from going,i managed to get his mobile number,he has a new one now,and i sent him a message when i got home and he called me.
The thing is,he might have been interested then,but maybe he isnt now,and that's what i'm worried about.I just hope we havent had a missed opportunity.I was annoyed with my family to be honest for not letting me go to his house,especially since i am an adult.I couldnt have just gone though as i could have got told off,and i'm not sure if they would have thrown me out or not.When he rang me,my family were asleep,and he wanted me to sneak out and said he would pick me up.He called me after midnight,and would someone call you and ask you to go round after midnight if they didnt like you in a romantic way ?.
I'd like to tell him about the problems i'm having now,and tell him i think its great that he and his brother are gonna patch things up,and that he shouldnt have to hide the factt hat he is seeing his brother from his parents,and its wrong of his parents to say he shouldnt see him,and i'd like to tell him i thought it was wrong when my family stopped me from going to his house that time.I think for my first message i send him though,if i cant phone him,i should just say i've had some family issues,would you mind if i talk to you about it,and i'll ask him not to tell anyone else.i might mention his brother in the first message too.Or do you think i should say everything straight away ?.As i said,i want to be careful and dont want to scare him off.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2009): I'll quote you:
"I would love to tell him how i feel,but if he does like me in the same way,he must be hiding it since he hasnt wanted to meet up since the last time he asked me.I just hope he hasnt lost interest."
Perhaps he's unsure about how you feel about him too and you could both be missing out on a golden opportunity. If he's not romantically inclined towards you I doubt there would be any hard feelings on his part, and if so, you'd no doubt be disappointed but unless you let him know what's on your mind neither of you are going anywhere with this!
Be brave - pluck up the courage to tell him how you feel about him when you get a suitable opportunity. You don't have anything to lose as far as I can see. I hope it goes well for you when you do.
I can relate to your situation - my granddaughter and my nephew had a bit of a thing going a while back. They got on very well indeed at the time, but it died a natural death and there were no bad feelings about it on either side when it came to an end, and certainly there were no family squabbles about it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2009): I would love to tell him how i feel,but if he does like me in the same way,he must be hiding it since he hasnt wanted to meet up since the last time he asked me.I just hope he hasnt lost interest.
He recently put his mobile number on his page,it's public so everyone on his friend list can see it,which i was surprised by,as that meant i could see it too.I'd love to call him,but i would want to ask him if it's ok to do so first.
I'm confused because he wants a secret meeting with his brother,without family knowing,so why cant me and him do the same ?.
As i said,he is my mum's cousin,so yes,we are first cousins once removed.Because i'm not sure whether i still fancy him or not,i would meet him on friendly terms first,and see if i still feel the same way when i see him again.And it would be good for us to talk about our family issues aswell.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2009): Why all the secrecy? You're 22+ years of age so surely you can do as you please now?
Do you have a telephone? Does he? If so, speak to him and tell him you'd like to meet up to discuss a few family issues.
If you have any romantic inclinations towards him, that shouldn't be a problem because it looks like you are first cousins once removed, which is legal and above board, but I'd need to know the exact connection to be sure on that.
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