A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm literally at the end of my rope with my younger brother, and I'm looking for some advice on what I can actually do about it.He's always been louder, more social and more physically fit than me. In a lot of ways, he's the brawn and I'm the brain. He's always working out, and he hangs around in a rough area. Because of this, and I imagine I'm meant to be ashamed although I'm not really, he would be capable of beating the crap out of me in a fist fight.This was never a problem. Why would it be? Yeah, we had our disagreements but fist fights were rarely an issue. The problem started over a month ago though.I've noticed he's becoming increasingly malicious. I know people will chalk it up to 16 being a difficult age, but I sure as hell didn't act like he does when I was that age. As he grows louder and cockier, he's beginning to turn on me. First off, he has many cruel comments. When I was much younger, I had issues of mental health, which manifested in pulling my hair out by the roots and one suicide attempt. Although I'm past all that now, he recently started bringing it up for no reason during a petty argument, laughing. The laugh was vicious though, so it was clear that it was meant to hurt. However, when I turned the tables by responding by pointing out he's drinking under-age to my parents who weren't aware of it he played the victim card.Anyway, it's getting worse. Every day he does something to try and upset me now. My father phoned for me one day, and as I asked him to get the phone, he told my father I wasn't there and hung up. When I went to call him back, he started shouting in my face. As he'd already been acting in a similar way all day, I exploded with rage at him (pent up over the last month). As I wasn't wanting a fist fight, I told him to get away from me before one of us did something we'd regret. I pointed out that days after someone he barely knew committed suicide and he felt bad for that, he was an idiot to goad his own brother in that direction. The next day, his first move was to smugly say my outburst was me "crying" (I've not cried in a year, certainly not over something as stupid as that) and not to do it again.Anyway, the examples I've given are replicated in different ways on a daily basis now. For example, he'll purposely just hit me as I walk past him in the house, as he knows I won't hit back. Just half an hour ago, he took my glasses knowing I'd not be able to see and didn't bother to return them.So I guess he's become the sort of person I had to deal with throughout childhood: a vicious bully. And despite being able to stop it if I want to, I won't as I'd rather not cause that sort of scene within my family. I know if I actually do something to get back at him, he'd respond destructively which could end up driving the family in two. So, although I imagine you'll all have some way or another to tell me it's just a phase, I am done with him. The one solution I've worked out is ignoring him for now, and as soon as we both leave home (which isn't too far away, really) I will completely disown him.Does anyone have a clue how to deal with his destructive ways without needing to drag myself into some sort of conflict that will likely end up causing all sorts of chaos. For example, I know if I fight back things like my iTunes library will end up getting deleted by him.And my parents know all of this and do nothing. They're not an option. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Joe158 +, writes (30 August 2008):
 Hmm i know the type, although i'm the younger of both of my brothers. I think i know the solution to the problem.
One day calmly go up to him and say something along the lines of "I'm fed up of your behaviour" but dont get arguementative with it though, i know it is hard.
Continue with "i've put up with your crap for long enough and now i just don't care. From now on you can do what you want, i don't care about you anymore. If you get into trouble i won't Help,i've given up on you". Or something along those lines. Just say that you're done with him, you're giving up and will no longer help him in anyway.
Remember though not to get pulled in to an arguement since he'll probably start mouthing off. So after saying all that just ignore him. Don't even imagine he's there. If he removes your glasses start doing something else that doesn't require your glasses. Or just do anything. If he hits you just keep on walking and doing what you are doing. If he makes fun of you just completely ignore it.
After a while it will hit him that you don't care (even though you still do), and he'll either stop being an ass or he'll go further and start being nice to you. After that you can start building your Relationship back up again.
Although i have to say it will be hard ignoring him. But i wish you luck.
You may also like to tell your parents what you plan to do since you've had enough. You dont have to do this but it may help. If they say its a stupid thing to do just do it anyway and say its for his own good.
Good luck with your Bro, i know they can be a handful at times.
-Joe
|
