A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Uhhh hey, I'm sorry if this is the wrong site but it's kinda a relationship problem, with family? Anyway, my family is on the edge of completely falling apart. I moved away from my parents house when I just turned 16, to look after my grandparents after my gran had a mild stroke, I'm now 17, I had a break down because of stress and moved back in with my mum for a couple of weeks. This was brilliant.The problems started a couple of days ago. My parents live far away from my gran and so they only get to see her once a week. Over the last couple of weeks my grans health and mental state have deteriorated, she's beginning to slur her words more, and forgetting to take pills and then saying she has taken them.My mum and my gran have a really close bond because my grandad used to beat my gran, and my mum is scared that my gran is close to "the end" because of how bad she's getting, so quickly. I've never seen my mum so deflated, I haven't seen her smile in days. I spoke to her and she thinks that I've moved back in with her forever, I would gladly do that but there's another problem, I've found signs of cancer in myself, lumps, all the symptoms, and there's no doctors where my mum lives, so I'd need to go back to my house in the city.So my mum's gonna be left alone, while she thinks my gran is dying, and I can't tell her I have cancer because I don't want to hurt her anymore than she already is. If my gran goes then she can't deal with my grandad, he's a nightmare and is still a pathetic man. No one in the family even talks to him, so if my gran goes then my mum will have to look after him... Which means that she won't have a life at all. He lives in the same chair all day everyday, so she's never get to watch the t.v and she'd have to spend her whole time doing everything he wants. (He's not ill in any way, he's just a piece of sh*t)My dad works away for weeks at a time, so he's not much help at the moment. (I know he would help if he could, but he can't.)Please don't say anything about my cancer, I've already decided not to go into hospital, I have seen people with cancer and I'm not going through all the pain.How can I deal with my family falling apart? :( Sorry this is so long... I just want my mum to be herself again.
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female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (29 August 2010):
 You may not wish to go to the hospital but early treatment of cancer is critical to the long term outcome. You seem to care about your family a great deal, but you should also identify that if you have cancer and you leave it to spread around your body then you will be another dependent for your mother to care for. I hope that social services are involved in the care of your gran, if not please give them a ring and make them take notice. The GP responsible for the medical care of your gran should be closely monitoring her medication. If this is not happening then your mother should ring the clinic and insist on speaking to the doctor. A package of community care should be in place to make life easier for everyone concerned. This might involve home care workers visiting everyday and checking that pills have been taken. It maybe the case that residential or nursing home placement would be an appropriate intervention for your gran at this time. You could also give Help The Aged a call (they have a helpline) to see if they know of any services that would ease the stress on your family right now. Your medical condition may not be cancer - if you are stressed then it can manifest in all sorts of ways. Lumps and bumps can be inflammation of the glands as a result of low-level infection, it doesn't have to be a tumour. Nevertheless, if you care about your family then you will see a doctor. It doesn't have to be your doctor - any NHS doctor will see you as a visiting patient (you just have to fill out a brief form). Why don't you ring NHS Direct and they can point you in the direction of a local medical drop-in service.
A
male
reader, steve jones +, writes (29 August 2010):
Sort your own problem out (cancer symptoms) the tackle your family, dont play the martyr do it otherwise you will regret a whole lot more than you imagined
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010): I am sorry, I know you have said not to say anything about the cancer signs you have, but I am going to anyway, because this is the most important thing for you to get sorted out is that. you need to go and checked out, to see if you have it or not. You may have seen people with cancer, and you say that you are not going through that pain, if you have cancer and it's not treated, trust me the pain is going to be a whole lot worse and if you do have cancer it won't go away. Please tell your mum and go and get it checked out.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (29 August 2010):
 Chances are it will hurt your mum to see her mother go and she will be devastated for quite awhile..and will most likely move your grandfather in your house, if she isn't the type who likes nursing homes. Yeah he's a jerk, old, and rude but he's not going to hurt anyone. Sorry, going to have to address your cancer, if you have signs then you need to get to a doctor asap. If you're worried about your mum how do you think she's going to feel if she loses you too out of nowhere? She will most definitely fall apart at the seams. I'm praying that you will tell her now, and that it isn't cancer.
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